Eastwood Academy

Chapter 18: A Spark of Hope

I sit at my regular table across from Tyler and Marina, picking at my food. Marina's talking, but I stopped paying attention to what she was saying almost as soon as I sat down. My mind is still replaying the conversation I just overheard when I walked past the table Brooklyn and Jessica were sitting at with their friend Carly. Turns out little miss goodie two shoes isn't going with a date to Homecoming. The thought fills me with more relief than I like.

For the better part of two weeks, I've walked into history class every morning to find Gavin giving Brooklyn puppy dog eyes and hanging off of her every word. Brooklyn seems to be enjoying his company, talking with him and laughing at his dumb jokes. Every time I see her smiling at Gavin, I want to hit something. Or him. Preferably him. Instead, I settle for clenching my hands under my desk so no one can see them and trying to tune them out.

I figured at this point they were a done deal, but if Gavin isn't taking Brooklyn to the dance, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's too much of a chickenshit to ask her. I feel a brief spark of hope until I wonder if Brooklyn still wants Gavin to ask her, even though he hasn't. That puts a damper on my five seconds of cheerfulness. Maybe she only offered to go with Jessica to be nice. That seems like the kind of thing Brooklyn would do. I'm clenching my fists as I think this because her kindness reminds me of another girl who would have done the same thing. A girl who isn't here because I was too slow to get to her when she needed me most. I have to remind myself that it's not Brooklyn's fault she reminds me of Imeria. They don't look alike, but some of the same qualities I loved the most about Imeria are also present in Brooklyn, making her both intriguing and unbearably painful to be around.

I need to remind myself that I shouldn't care what Brooklyn does or who she hangs out with is pointless. She's under my skin and in my head, and I can't do anything about it. But she really seems to be done with me.

Unable to help myself, I glance over at her table. Brooklyn is sitting with her hands folded on the table, listening in that intent way of hers that shows she's giving a person all of her attention to something Carly is saying.

Like a magnet, she draws me in, her gaze finding mine as though she could feel my eyes on her. Brooklyn drops her head immediately, cutting off eye contact with me so fast I don't even have time to blink.

Message received: she wants nothing to do with me. And who could blame her? The words she threw at me after she broke up Elena and Gabby's fight have been coming back to haunt me for weeks. "You're an ass. And a whore." That comment stings the most when I see her smiling and laughing with Gavin. Of course, he's the kind of guy she'd go for. Kind and considerate. The type of guy a girl would be thrilled to bring home to her parents. That used to be me before my life became a complete shit show.

The only reason someone else hasn't asked her out yet is because everyone thinks she's dating Gavin. I've caught Connell staring at her multiple times, and I know Marcus and his shitty friends think she's hot. I've heard them gossiping like middle school girls in the locker room before practice. It was an effort not to pummel each and every one of them into the ground when I heard the things they were saying about her, but after last year's incident, I'm on thin ice with the school board. Not to mention my father.

Before Brooklyn came into my life, I was numb for so long that I forgot what it feels like to care what people think about me. Growing up, my dad always told me that I had to be worthy of the family name. He built a business with a good reputation, and he expected his family to uphold it. Needless to say, he hasn't exactly been thrilled with my behavior over the last couple of years. Our relationship has been steadily deteriorating.

I used to idolize him. Then the fire happened, and he seemed more worried about the fact that people were gossiping about his son participating in "inappropriate" activities like underage drinking and fighting than the fact that I was grieving the loss of the most important person in my life. I'm sure no parent would want their child to be involved in anything like that, but after the fire, it seemed beside the point, and I also know from listening to him talk to his college friends that he's done way worse, so I couldn't understand the complete and total lack of empathy from a man I had looked up to my whole life.

Realizing I've been silent for too long, I look up to find Marina and Tyler studying me with concerned expressions. Sometimes, I wish they were less observant. I can tell both of them are worried about me.

Tyler, being Tyler, figured out that I have complicated feelings for Brooklyn very quickly. He's stopped suggesting I ask her out and I know he disapproves of the way I've treated her, especially after stepping in after our last interaction after the committee meeting. My fault again that it went badly. Apparently, when it comes to Brooklyn, I can't do anything right. Probably better for us both if I just stay away from her.