Treasure

Treasure - Part One

2000

"I actually can't do this," the 23 year old muttered to himself as he made his way to the toilets along the hall. "I really can't, it was stupid of me to think I could, why did I think I could, christ, what got in my head..."

He closed the door to the single stall and stood over the toilet for a moment, unsure if sitting on the toilet would even be a good idea with how disgusting it looked. Instead he leaned against the cubical wall slightly, trying to calm his breathing quicker so he could get out the toilets and out the building.

He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on his breathing, when he heard the door opening, someone came in, ambling around by the urinals and he half held his breath so they wouldn't know he was there. But he couldn't hold it for long, and he felt another surge of anxiety well up from inside his stomach, his breathing grew heavy as he clasped his hand over his mouth.

"Mate, you alright?" A voice called, but he didn't reply. Whoever was outside the cubicle hovered there longer than he'd liked but he felt like he was having a heart attack.

"I can't breathe!" He suddenly called to the other man, as he tried to unlock the door. "I, I can't breathe..." he said again, panicking even more.

The man in front of him looked around his age, dark hair and bright blue eyes, filled with concern.

"Fuck, alright, just come with me, yeah, just for 2 seconds," he said and the 23 year old nodded as the other man placed his arm around him, leading him out of the toilets and into the adjacent office.

"If you're going to die, you don't want to do it in there," he said, which even caused Richard a small smile, despite his current state.

"I'm Noel by the way," he told him softly as he sat the man down and knelt down in front of him.

"You look like you're having a panic attack, mate. I only know that because I used to get them quite often... Do you want me to get anyone for you? I can call someone?"

The young man shook his head as he tried to control his breathing again.

Noel noted the man's ID lanyard round his neck, seeing his name was Richard.

"Alright Richard, I need you to breathe with me, yeah?"

Richard almost reeled back as Noel reached for his hands, but at the same time, it was a gentle, comforting touch he needed.

He focused on their hands and breathed in and out with Noel, as Noel told him to: in - one two three, out - one two three, until Richard's breathing steadied again and he nodded slightly to Noel as he gently moving his hands back to his lap. He started to feel embarrassed for someone seeing him that way, but Noel was already to his feet, motioning for Richard to stand up.

"You need a drink, water, tea, maybe something stronger? Do you smoke? You want one?" He asked pulling out his Malboroughs.

Richard shook his head, even though he did smoke, but agreed he needed a drink and followed Noel along the hall, through the double doors to the small cafe.

"Sit down, I'll get this," Noel said, nodding to the seating just past the till as Richard thanked him and asked for some water.

Richard sat in the far corner of the room by the window, the top part of the window was open and let a soft cool waft of air in above him, which he needed. As Noel approached, Richard forced a smile and Noel sat opposite him.

"Don't worry," Noel said. "I'm not going to tell anyone. Panic attacks are horrible. What are you here for today?" He asked, opening his can of diet coke.

"Writing," Richard replied softly as he opened the bottle of water.

"I don't know why I got like this. I've worked on writing before. Even performing, I think because there's a new guy in who wasn't with us before,"

"Oh, I remember now, you did that dark place thing at the Edinburgh Fringe, I remember that," Noel said enthusiastically.

Richard was surprised but nodded. "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, yes, that's it. We are supposed to be writing it for TV, before it was just me and another - Matthew, but now we have a group of people here, I don't even know half of them and they want to make all these changes, it's just not what we created."

Noel listened intently, frowning slightly, he sat back. "But you don't have to take their ideas, you can keep yours. Me and my mate, we're writing some stuff, we did it on stage, it's not quite coming together for TV yet, so we thought we'd try radio," he paused and looked at Richard. "But we had a guy in who wanted to change a lot, we told him to fuck off," he concluded flatly and Richard smiled at the other man's honesty.

He shook his head slightly. "I can't even go to a meeting without having a panic attack, I don't think I could do that," he admitted.

As they talked more, a tall, burly man walked towards them. He tutted and rolled his eyes.

"Richard! We've been waiting for you, what's taking so long if you're only getting water?!" He asked and Noel saw Richard's demeanour change almost right away.

"Don't bitch at him, Jerry, I was having a panic attack, he was helping me." Noel interjected.

"Another one?" Jerry said, raising his eyebrows, as Noel stood.

"Yeah, so?" Noel replied, pushing past him as Jerry stayed firm where he was standing.

"So maybe this isn't for you." Jerry replied and Noel frowned at him. "Maybe you should try doing something different, if it's causing you so much anxiety."

Noel narrowed his eyes and was quick to respond, "what's it to you anyway?" he asked, turning away from Jerry. "You don't write for us anymore, do you?" He said sarcastically, then nodded to Richard. "See ya later, yeah?" and Richard nodded back, watching Noel leave.

Jerry rolled his eyes slightly smirking at Noel and turning back to Richard.

"Don't worry about him. He's a weird one, him and his mate. They didn't like the ideas I had, seem to think they can do better without me. I've been writing for TV longer than that idiot has been alive, they won't get far, those two."

Richard stood up, clearing his throat slightly and shrugged slightly.

"Yes, well, we should get to work then," he answered softly, still feeling grateful for Noel covering for him and not telling Jerry that it was actually him having the panic attack.

His gut feeling was telling him to dislike Jerry on all accounts. And he'd rather liked that Noel chap. Richard never usually liked people straight away very often. It took time for him to get to know them before he would form an opinion.

But Noel was different somehow. As he and Jerry walked back to the room they were working in, Richard scanned the other rooms for Noel and his friend. He couldn't see them, but unusually for him, he found himself hoping he'd see him again. He liked how open he'd been, tactile, calming and so kind, despite being strangers and meeting in a toilet of all places.

He didn't like the way Jerry had spoken to or about Noel, or himself for that matter. Over twenty years experience didn't mean anything to Richard if all Jerry cared about was coming out on top each time.

Richard preferred substance over popularity and, if he'd had the confidence that Noel did, perhaps he would have told Jerry to fuck off as well.

He decided he would get through the meeting, see what needed to be said. But reflecting on Noel's words, he reminded himself that nothing needed to change if he didn't want it to. It was up to him, and again, he found himself grateful to the man he'd met in the toilets with the messy dark hair and bright blue eyes.

He decided next time he saw him, he would offer to buy him a drink. It was completely out of character for Richard to ever want to do that. But this time he felt good about it. It felt okay and less anxiety-inducing.