House Of Gold - Logan Howlett

Parachute*

You wish you could say you recovered right away after seeing your mother. But seeing her now brought back all the memories, everything she has done to you or said, making you paralyzed. You used to completely numb yourself, overusing marijuana and making yourself sick. Why admit that anything is happening? If you don't admit that your pain, you aren't right? You learned quickly that for you that wasn't the case. It was going to be more painful if you ignored your feelings, not that it wasn't easy to feel complete grief and like you can't function. You told Logan that you needed a nap after everything, and he was there for you. Holding you in his arms, whispering sweet nothings to you, making your heart feel warm and loved. But that dull ache in your stomach, that didn't go away, so you fell asleep, and you didn't get out of bed for hours. Logan eventually tried to get you around, but you didn't reply as you turned your head into the pillow. 

You were shutting down, even with her gone you couldn't stop your mind from trying to protect you. Even with a man who wanted to be with you, he couldn't get to you. You didn't fight with him, you just stared. He had come in with lunch later in the day, but it just sat on your bedside table. You couldn't move, it was like when he sat down next to you to try and get you to eat food, that he wasn't really there, or you couldn't hear him. You heard your grandma outside of your door when he went out to talk to her. 

"This is because of her mom?"

"Yes, she just-when she's her, it takes maybe a day to recover, maybe a week." Mary explained as Logan sighed, his hand coming to the back of his head. 

"I have Laura this week, I want to stay with her." He started. 

"Talk to Laura, we have a spare room if you want to stay." That's when their voices started to fade, whether it was because they were moving away or because you were moving out of consciousness as you stared over at the wall. The door creaked when Logan came back in, sitting on the side of the bed, but not touching you. He wanted to be there and comfort you, but you could feel him right now, your body remaining completely limb, no signs that you even felt his hand on your back. "Audra, I'm going to go pick up Laura, alright? I'll be back later tonight; I'm not leaving you." You blinked at his words, unable to move much of your body but your finger twitched as you lightly reached for him. But the movement was so small it was possible for him to see it and his breath was shaky as you couldn't talk. It wasn't that you refused to talk but you were putting all of your energy into just surviving right now. 

You don't know if it was days or hours, but eventually Logan made you move from your bed. He had made you drink and eat a couple times but didn't push it. Now his arms were going around you and carrying you to the bathroom. Your head resting against his chest as he sat you on the toilet and started the bath. Reaching his hand down to feel the water, you watched his muscles flex in his arm. You knew you were slowly coming back to the present, but it had been so long of feeling like the life was sucked out of you. It was hard to come back from and you coughed before leaning over to the trash and throwing up. Logan stood up, reaching for your hair and pulling it away from your face as you kept wrenching stomach acid. When you were done, you knelt over resting your head against your knees. "C'mon, let's get you in the bath." He hummed, his deep voice was gentle and kind, as you looked up at him and nodded. Your legs shakily standing up, his hands coming to your shirt and pulling it off along with your pants. Then you walked over to the tub, your hand resting on the glass as you wobbled. Logan reached out for your hand to help you balance as you got into the bath before sinking down into the water. 

Then he got down on the floor beside you, his arms resting on his knees as he leant against the nearest wall. You breathed out shakily as tears came to your eyes and you knew you were still in survival mode as you looked at Logan and said, "I'm sorry, Lo." His eyes darted to yours quickly before he moved forward to meet your eyes, his hand reaching out towards your face, and he paused. Your eyes were still on his and your hand came up to touch his before bringing it to your face. "You can touch me."