hey my future baby
it's jenurah
i just finished crying, and praying for God to bring us together.
i need comfort so badly. i'm grateful i have God. i wish i had you still. i like to hope you're right around the corner.
some times i lose hope, and i find myself stuck in doubt. that the love i imagine is nothing more than imaginary. it doesn't exist and i'm looking forward to nothing. and then i was thinking just now, well i can't lose hope because what if both of us lose hope? then what? so i tell myself to be patient and that God will unite us when the timing is perfect.
today you were the first thing i thought of when i woke up and now you're the last thing i'm praying for before i sleep. i just thought i'd write you. i can't wait to show you this one day. i wonder how i'll do it without you thinking i'm totally crazy. i hope that you need me just as much as i need you. i pray nothing gets in the way of this connection. i pray we can work together to build the life of our dreams. do you mind if when we buy a house my dad lives with us? he's a very sweet old man and he loves to cook. he needs company, he's getting old. i'm in nursing school so that one day i will be able to be his caregiver. luckily that's nothing i have to worry about now. he's in pretty good health and he knows how to take care of himself. he's pretty independent for an old guy.
i don't know what made me bring that up, but i've imagined my life like that for a while. that way we can be a big happy family, he lives downstairs and the kids, you and i live upstairs. and we have a little homestead farm in the backyard, with a garden. that's my dream life.
anyways i haven't even met you yet and i wanna get married. am i delusional? or very, very optimistic.
ugh. i don't know what else to say. i'll just have to keep praying. please don't lose hope in finding real love. i promise one day i'll meet you and i'll spend the rest of our lives reminding you of all the beautiful things in you. i'll be there when you need me, and i'll hold you when you cry. i'll love all your broken pieces back together, and i'll do it openly, proudly. i promise to respect you, and consider your feelings as my own. i promise to share what i have, even if it isn't much, until we have more. i will listen to you, your goals your dreams your fears, and i will encourage you. i want to uplift you and make you feel accepted as you are. i want you to feel safe coming to me with anything and everything. i want no filters, just pure love admiration and authenticity. i want to cook you your favorite foods and remember your favorite songs. i want to binge watch our favorite shows.
if we ever disagree or come to any arguments, i want us to pray together instead of walking away. i want a love that doesn't let go and a lover that pulls me close when things get hard, because that's when i'll need him the most. not someone that avoids and pushes me away.
i really need you now. i miss being close. i have a lot of love to give, and i'm tired of investing in the wrong people. when i find you i will love you in a way that i've never loved anything else, because i know God saved you for me - and to me that means everything. how else could i say thank you for my prayers being heard? i pray the Lord doesn't abandon me in my faith.
i haven't even met you yet. how silly am i?
i just pray that everything is well on your end of things. that you're a happy and healthy version of yourself. i pray that you're focusing on the right things, and loving yourself in every way possible. may God continue to watch after us both and guide this connection until we unite, and even after that.
ps. pleeeease be romantic i'm such a sucker for romance :3
pps. listen to "dark thoughts (on your mind)" by juice wrld
love you in advance babe :3 hopefully i meet you soon so we can love each other and be happy together :) hopefully before halloween so we can go to the pumpkin patch. goodnight <3
