i wish we could spend the holidays together. another season alone i guess but i'd rather spend it alone than with the wrong person/people.
i wonder if you're looking for me too, or if when we meet it will take you by total surprise how destined for each other we are. after we get to know each other, of course.
i'm so over this whole thing honestly
i'm starting to think i'm not good for anybody and that's easier to believe most days than hoping and praying for my dream guy to fall out of the sky and into my life miraculously.
sometimes it doesn't make sense.
how long i've waited or how badly i want you. i think about you all the time. you're not even mine yet. i'm not even sure if you're real. all i can do is hope and pray. sometimes that's even too hard. sometimes it's too hard to even imagine someone loving me. the love in my head is so pure and mutual and genuine and passionate and kind. i've yet to ever witness it outside of television screens but i like to hope that a love like the one that i long for is possible.
do people even love like that anymore? do people even want forever anymore?
do people care about stuff like that still?
i don't know what to think or believe. i'm so fucking lonely. at this point dating is boring i'm so turned off by people and the generic way that they think or the lack of depth that some people hold. have you ever met someone and just been like "wow, you are really human."
and i mean that in two ways:
there's the sad, disappointing, let-down kind of human, the "you think like everybody else today" type of human. the "i'm so bored by how familiar this interaction seems." it's more casual than the word casual itself. it's like walking into a room and seeing only art you've already seen before. but not the kind that comforts you or brings back good memories, the kind that's so overdone out played and overused that it makes you think "okay, and what else?"
and then there's human.
the kind of person you meet that feels like "wow people like you still exist?" the kind of person you only read about in books. the kind gestures, the loving just to love type of human. the way humans were made to be. the leave your front door unlocked on a sunny afternoon so the dogs can bark when the paper man walks by. the type of human that's safe and considerate and honest. a way of thinking that isn't so new age and morphed to believe everything you see on social media, the naked human. a way of thinking that isn't so washed up and dry and like everybody else. it's almost refreshing. the type of person you're glad you ran into today because you needed a reminder that people can still be good just for no reason. when someone helps you carry your groceries or lets you cut in line at the super market because you've got less items.
just simple stuff i can't explain it (despite very long explanation above)
there's so much i could tell you already i just wish you were here. it's like my hearts with you but the rest of me isn't. maybe we exchanged hearts in a past life and now in this life we're destined to find each other and stay together so we never feel lonely again and our hearts can reunite with our beings. idk
i'm just tired and i've been crying all night
i wish you could hold me.
love you baby.
x
