Silent whispers of love

~Chapter Five~

As Ishaan reached the neurology department, he wandered around every room in search of Kanika.

He stopped by Dr. Arnold at last, 'Hello sir, do you know any junior resident named Kanika over here? I'm her friend and willing to see her.'

'Oh yes. She is in my cabin. Third room on the left from here', Dr. Arnold said in a hurry and left.

Without doing any further upheaval, Ishaan hastily went towards the cabin that Dr. Arnold had directed.

Though the door was unlocked, he still knocked with his trembling hands.

'Come in.', Kanika's voice resonated from inside.

After taking a long breath, Ishaan entered the cabin. His eyes were fixed on Kanika, who seemed deeply immersed in some papers in her hand.

'Erwin, please tell Dr. Arnold that the insulin dosage is not divided properly...', she alleged, without looking up from the prescriptions.

She might have misunderstood me as someone else, Ishaan thought.

Before he could speak, Kanika looked up at him and her smile faded.

The shock of seeing him after so many years had left her speechless. Once, she had waited eagerly for even a brief word from him, now that he was standing in front of her, she did not know what to say.

Every second dragged heavily and old wounds became raw again, she remembered Ishaan's indifference to her, the loneliness she had felt. It was as if all those things had happened just yesterday.

Her silence made Ishaan deeply uncomfortable.

He spoke first, breaking the awkward quietness, 'how are you, Kanika?'

Kanika looked at him briefly. He was still handsome but looked somewhat jaded. His lake-green eyes no more capitulated her. There was a distance between them now, and he seemed a stranger to her.

On getting no response from her, he tried again, 'Kanika, I saw you in the downtown yesterday, but unfortunately I couldn't make it up to you.'

'is that so? I didn't notice you there.'

Ishaan was disheartened by her response, but he made yet another effort to draw her out, 'it was really hard to find you. No one was able to help me. I tried my level best...'

'how are you and Ayesha doing?', she cut in.

'uh...we broke up two months ago. Kanika, please forgive me. Everyone makes mistakes.' Ishaan stood up.

'please sit down. Which mistake are you seeking forgiveness for? Please remember that saying the right thing at the right time is what makes a conversation meaningful. Did you speak to me when I asked you for the reason of taking a break? Did you speak when I wandered around searching for you just to have a small talk? Now that you are here, answer me.'

'I cannot answer any of you questions. I can only beg for your forgiveness.'

'why? All I wanted was to hear a few words of explanation from you. They would have been my strength, but you never bothered to talk to me even once.'

'I know I have made many mistakes, Kanika. Everything you said is true. But all I'm asking for is a second chance. I'm begging you to forget the past. Please forgive me. I swear I will be a better person to you. Let us face life together.'

'how can you possibly expect a burnt seed to grow into a tree? Love, understanding, affection...they are all irrelevant to me now. It is too late for us. I am no longer that naive Kanika whose world revolved around you. I discern what my goals are and where I am heading. I have been fortunate enough to live in a place like Hamburg where even this mad rush has a humane side to it. I have excellent friends who trust me and will not hesitate to help me if I am in trouble.'

Ishaan heard her out quietly. Although her words weighed him down, he was still hopeful that she would come back to him.

Whereas, Kanika knew it is the time to make her conclusion clear to him, 'Ishaan, it would be better for us to part now and never communicate with each other again. We met accidentally, but we were not made for each other. Let us part with a good grace.'

'Kanika, please think one more time about what I've said. Please come back to me. I still love you.'

The last three words caught her courtesy, 'where was this love of yours when I waited for you outside the campus for almost an hour that day? Where was your love when you blissfully hung out with Ayesha in front of me, everyday? Where were you all these four years? Now that you are alone again, you realized your love in just two months?'

Ishaan stood lost for words. He knew she was right. Where was he all these years? Now that Ayesha had left him, he suddenly realizes his love? A feeling of guilt engulfed over him and he sat frozen in his chair.

Kanika stood up to pack her belongings and gathered all the prescriptions, when there was another knock on the door.

It was Erwin this time, 'Dr. Arnold has asked for the reports. Are you done?'

'yes. Here are they', Kanika went towards the door to hand him the papers. 'please tell him that the insulin dosage was not divided to 10 units before every meal. I have corrected that though. You may get his signatures on this.'

'yup. Thank you for that; That is why you're my favorite. See you later', said Erwin and left.

Kanika turned towards Ishaan, who was still sitting on the chair.

Ishaan understood then that this would be his last meeting with her. He still gave it one desperate try. 'I swear I would change myself for good, Kanika. Is there nothing I can say to persuade you to change your decision?',

'No, Ishaan. We both know it is too late. And if you are changing then I really appreciate that. But please change yourself for your own good, for you family's good. I wish you luck in the future. Goodbye', Kanika said, and left the cabin.