Silent whispers of love

~Chapter Thirteen~

maybe we will never meet
but we can still walk together
like parallel lines
to infinity and beyond.

— Ashish Baghrecha

🥀🥀

The door clicked shut behind me, and silence enveloped my apartment. After the whirlwind of the trip to Munich, this quiet felt strange. I dropped my bag on the floor and kicked off my shoes.

I sat at the small kitchen table, staring at my phone. The screen lit up with messages from my friends, but none from Abhishek. I felt a familiar ache, longing for a connection that felt just out of reach.

I picked up my phone and scrolled through photos from the trip, pausing on one of Abhishek, laughing under the sun. The image barely captured his wonderful spirit, and I couldn't help but smile.

Shaking off the thoughts, I grabbed my stethoscope and books, reminding myself of the responsibilities waiting for me. Tomorrow was another day, filled with rounds and patient consultations. I was grateful for the distraction, but even still, a part of me craved something more. Someone, especially.

After a quick dinner of leftover takeout, I settled on the couch with my textbooks, trying to focus on the gastric tube insertion. But every time I turned a page, my mind drifted back to the moments in Munich. Why couldn't I have been brave enough? — was the only thing entertaining my mind since the past few days.

With a sigh, I set the textbooks aside and walked to the window, pulling back the curtain. I leaned against the cool glass, tracing the outline of a distant building with my eyes. The city felt alive, and I felt like an empty, dead soul. Peeping in, searching for light.

I moved back towards my desk, taking a diary and a pen along with me. This was my last resort; writing it all down. It had been years since I wrote, to empty the unwanted slump of thoughts wandering in my mind. But I hope it still works.

Dear Someone... I started writing,

This trip was meant to be destructive. I knew. But here I am, sitting and regretting; Not loving him, not at all. That would be the last thing I would regret, ever, trust me.

You never regret loving people, because if you do, you aren't loving, just expecting— expecting them to love you back, to bring stars in your eyes everytime you're sad, to be there everytime you're in need.

You just regret on how naive you were, not being able to predict the brewing storm that future held.

Just like me.

'Why did I let myself fall for him?' I wondered. They say our hearts are wild beasts, who need to be caged, which is why God kept them in a ribcage. But mine had broken that cage far long ago, on the day I met him.

I knew from the start that he was the one who could never be mine, yet my heart decided to ignore that truth. A wild beast it is.

I've spent countless hours beside him, sharing laughter, secrets, and dreams, and every moment only made my feelings for him grow stronger. And now, it feels like I've been walking a tight rope, balancing on the edge of hope and heartbreak.

I see the way his eyes light up when he talks about her; It's like he's in another world, one where everything is perfect and she's at the center of it.

It's supposed to make me happy, seeing him so content, but instead, it feels like a thousand tiny cuts every time he mentions her name.
How did I end up feeling like a spectator in the story of my own heart?

I can't help but replay every conversation we've had, every talk, every glance. Did I misread the signs? Or was I just too hopeful, too naive?

Maybe I was never really in his heart the way I wanted to be.

But he's been so much more than just a friend to me; He's been my anchor, my confidant, and my source of joy.

And now, knowing that I 'll never be the one who holds his heart in the way I hoped, it's like losing a part of myself.

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