Ten to the power of thirty three

Chapter thirteen

Chapter thirteen

With that decided between them they began to try for a child. It didn’t change their lives much, except taking up their days doing what they normally did almost weekly to now doing it daily. They did the deed in every room, in every position. Rebecca kept a track of her ovulation, informing Ezra almost every day. Ezra enjoyed the deed as any man would, but each week when Rebecca did a pregnancy test he felt the sorrow that she did just as poignantly.

At first each week it was simply the sorrow of Rebecca not being pregnant, the lack of a culmination of their dreams. Every time the pregnancy test result came back as negative Rebecca cried into Ezra’s shoulders as he cried holding her. They cuddled there for minutes each week as they comforted each other and let out their sorrow.

As it went on, with Rebecca not pregnant still after three months Ezra began to wonder if it was his fault. Worries began to grip him every time they would try to make a baby simply due to the fear he might be impotent. He didn’t share the feelings with Rebecca, worried that she would think him less of a man. It was a stupid thought as he knew deep down that Rebecca would not judge him like that. It was probably pride and ego that meant he worried about his own potency he said nothing though.

He needn’t have worried though. When they had been trying for six months Rebecca woke one day earlier than normal. She moved in the bed, holding the sheets up close to herself to stay warm as she had worn only a nightie to bed despite the cold weather outside. She shook Ezra who was a very heavy sleeper. He rolled over, not even really noticing that she had shaken him. He only woke when she kissed him, saying his name quietly. At that point he awoke groaning and yawning.

‘I had a dream’ Rebecca told him, as he rubbed the sleep dust out of his eyes.

‘Oh what of?’ Ezra asked her interested as to why he’d been woken for a dream that could easily mean nothing (and being a dream probably did).

‘I dreamt I wasn’t pregnant’ Rebecca told him, and as he raised an eyebrow she continued ‘I think I’m going to do a test and prove the dream wrong.’

‘I really wouldn’t’ Ezra began, by this time now convinced he was impotent though he hadn’t spoken to Rebecca about it still. ‘Don’t get your hopes up, please’ Ezra told her, in an almost pleading tone. He followed her into the bathroom, standing leaning against the sink as she did the test. He felt dread at the result in his stomach as his bare feet stood upon the cold tile of the bathroom. When she’d done the test they waited, there amongst the latte brown coloured walls.

When the waiting was up they both looked at the pregnancy test, in both hope and trepidation. As they looked at it they could see the line which showed up if it was a negative result but there seemed to be another test too. The other pink line though was so faint that both of them weren’t certain that it was properly there. If both had been distinct and there it would mean Rebecca was pregnant but neither of them could tell if that was the case.

Uncertain they didn’t know whether to cry again or celebrate. Instead they moved the test into better light, looking at it intently and still unable to tell whether it was positive or negative.

‘I suppose with us both able to see two lines it’s more likely it’s positive?’ Ezra said, trying to sound confident but not really able to as he was still unsure himself. The pair of them decided that the best way to know whether Rebecca was pregnant was to go to the doctor’s. They arrived there at the GP that Ezra had been to six months before, and as they waited in the waiting room this time it was both of them that felt nervous. Ezra began to bite his finger nails as he thought of how they’d be if their hopes were dashed. Rebecca fidgeted and couldn’t sit still, hoping for the best but assuming that worst even as she sat in ignorance of the truth.