willow; jake seresin

chapter 6

Tom Kazansky loved his goddaughter.

Had from the moment she graced the world in 1990.

He spoiled her rotten and let the icey front  melt around her. He held her when she cried, threatened mean boys who had wronged her, cheered the loudest at her graduation. Everything a godfather should do.

She trusted him and he trusted her.

So, it came as no surprise when she showed up on his doorstep a year ago, bruised and sobbing.

He made promises that day. Ones he wished to break everyday.

He let her stay in his guest bedroom as he sorted her career out. And he cried when she up and left one night with no word.

He was the only person who managed to avoid being cut out and blocked.

She had blocked everybody she knew after the accident, even her own father. Willow wanted to drown in her sorrow alone but Ice wouldn't allow that. He pestered her and tracked her down until she agreed to minimal communication.

So, Tom checked on her. Not enough to be overbearing. But also not too little to let her feel alone.
He hadn't known it and probably never would, but he drove her away from the rattling pill bottles locked away in her medicine cabinet more times than she could count.

She was stubborn and didn't want to be a burden but she could never be one to Ice.

Even now.

He ignored the pain rushing through his body as he shakingly stood from his seat, pulling the haunted girl into a tight hug.

Tears lined Willow's eyes at the comforting embrace. She wanted to enjoy it but she didn't deserve it. So, she carefully pulled away, helping him sit down.

"So, wanna tell me why you ordered me to come?" Willow asked, faux cluelessness in her eyes as she dragged a chair over and took a seat.

Ice stared up at her with a stern expression. He looked at his computer and typed up an answer.

'You shouldn't be alone. '

Willow sighed and rubbed her sweaty palms on the fabric of her jeans. "I prefer it." She lied.

Ice easily saw through it.

'No.'

She looked up at the ceiling with an exaggerated huff. "I shouldn't be here." When she didn't look down, Tom gently smacked her knee, pointing at the screen.

'No.'

Same message with the same underlying meaning.

"Ice-" When he held her hand up she clamped her mouth shut.

'I brought you here.'

Willow's eyes widened a fraction and she looked at him with hurt in her eyes.

"W...What? Why? You knew I wasn't ready!" She was angry. The heat climbed up her skin as she stood.

'The Navy needs you. They need you.'

She scoffed and turned away, pacing the room.
"I'm doing more harm than good. I couldn't even do a simple dogfight." She shook her head, weaving shaky fingers into her hair and tugging.

Ice just watched her, waiting for the right moment.

"I'm already letting them down. Just like-" She was cut off just as her voice broke.

"It wasn't your fault." Tom's croaking voice shook out, as strong as he could muster.

She stopped pacing, staring down at her feet. "Yes, it was. I said it was safe. I took the risk. I got it wrong." A tear fell down her cheek as the flashes returned, replacing Ice with visions of her mistakes.

"It wasn't your fault." He repeated, only angering her further.

"Stop. You can't say that. You weren't there." She fumed, stepping closer to the desk. "I steered them into a trap. I knew the risks and I did it anyway! For what? To prove I was good enough?" Her voice bounced off the walls. "I'm not. I never have been. I'll never be dad or you or-or Bradley!" He noticed her breaths growing shorter and used all his strength to stand.

He stepped forward, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking down. He spoke through the pain clawing at his throat. "You made a mistake. It doesn't make you any less of a great pilot."

"I got my entire team killed!" She cried, tears freely falling down  her flushed cheeks."I got Jake hurt! What's to stop me from doing the same with this mission?"

Tom stared down at her, seeing the pure agony in her eyes. He didn't know what it felt like. But he had seen what it had done to his once lively and optimistic goddaughter.

"I can't do it again! I can't!" She sobbed and Tom pulled her into a hug, wrapping her in his arms and letting her tears stain his shirt. "I can't."

He placed a hand on the back of her head, running a careful hand through her hair.

He let her cry until her tears ran dry and shudders ripped through her. He pulled away and gently lowered her into the chair. He sat on his own with a small sigh of pain before grabbing her hands in his own.

"Willow." He said, watching her glance up at him. She was deflated and exhausted. "That accident was not your fault. If you had t-turned back and gone another time, the same would've happened. You were overpowered." He coughed, struggling through his words. Willow reached forward and grabbed his keyboard but he set it back down. "You've blamed yourself for a year. You've pushed everyone away. You didn't deserve what happened to you." A sob tore through her. She wanted so badly to disagree but she nodded for his sake.

"But you survived. You and the boy. No one knows why. The navy called it a miracle." Ice spoke, ignoring the own burn of his eyes. "You survived for a reason. Maybe this is the reason."

Willow looked at him.

He was right. She had survived things that only exist in nightmares. It had to have been for a reason.
But it didn't mean it hurt any less.

She delivered a hesitant nod and breathed deeply, choking back a sob.

"The navy still n-needs you, Wills." He coughed through it, squeezing her hand a bit tighter.

Willow squeezed her eyes shut as she nodded, swallowing the emotions down.

The navy needs her.

They need her.