𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 | c. grimes

09. "the first cut is the deepest"

chapter nine
"THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST"

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WHAT IS LIFE'S REAL PURPOSE?

No, really, what is it? As simple and vague as the question may tend to sound, it was something that had managed to keep Blaire awake in the few nights she spent isolated in the suffocating room.

Before the outbreak began, she was sure someone would be able to make out a positive response surrounding the subject that haunted most people – why they were sent into this world in the first place. To do great things. To be kind. To change and to grow when it feels impossible to get out of your own ways. But since then, things have been different; it's not as easy to ponder over your existence when so many humans around you have perished for no real reason. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time, that's all.

What was Blaire supposed to do with her life? Now that the people she loved were gone, what path was she meant to follow?

Doing great things? Considering her age, it wasn't too late to start trying to be better. But if Jane managed to survive the disease and stay by her sister's side, the teenager isn't sure that she would pursue a hobby other than making sure the last remaining member of her family is alive and breathing – this time, she would have to pay close attention to her health as well. What's the point in surviving the attack of those hideous creatures if you're just taken out by a sickness?

Be kind? She tried. More times than she got credit for. Although her intentions were not entirely empathetic when she agreed to take Mika to the quarantine zone, Blaire viewed it as a rather compassionate gesture. She had also tried to help Sasha when she noticed her declining state – that proved to be the reason she was even sent to this room in the first place. Blaire did try to be warmer and more gentle than she was outside the walls, but most times all that did was backfire on her. Most importantly, the actions the girl had committed when she and Jane were all by themselves in the forest haunted her the most. The crime which plagued her thoughts quite often. The only person Blaire had taken the life of. How she did it and why. She's sure that after what she had done, few people would consider her kind or able to change and redeem herself.

And so, there wasn't anything left for the teenage girl that would bring her a sense of purpose. Of belonging. Maybe life was all about survival. When it was over, it was over. As easy as that.

Although only three days have passed since Glenn and Hershel had the wonderful decision to lock Blaire away in an abandoned cell – reassuring her that it's for her own good – the teenager felt as if she had spent a lifetime trapped in these four walls. The sounds of children and elderly chatting outside the door were enough to keep her occupied for a few hours of the day. Blaire didn't consider herself to be someone who would be interested in other people's businesses, but the boredom had gotten to her. She paid close attention to every word that she could comprehend through the wooden object preventing her from human interaction.

Since most of the discussions were run by children, they weren't all that interesting. Most of the kids in the safe zone spoke so calmly and tenderly that Blaire was certain they had no idea what situation the community they resided in was facing. Toys, books, and Carol's storytime were all topics that she had heard over a dozen times now. It reminded the teenager of the very first conversations she partook in the night she met Lizzie and Mika – back when her opinion surrounding them was a rather positive one.

The single interaction that made Blaire's quarantine blend into something slightly more tolerable was Carl. He was away sometimes, the girl having no idea what he would be up to until he would show up late at night and pass her another comic book (considering she had finished the previous one already). At least this made the girl do something somewhat productive. She had read two Spider-Man Issues in the past three days if that meant anything at all.