let me in your ocean - sandray

1.

Mew looks at him sultrily, eyes hooded as he moves his hips. His touch is searing, palms over Ray's shoulders as he dances to the loud pop song at the bar, warm, grounding.

The neon lights flash on the expanse of the smooth skin of his neck- pink, purple, red- and Ray misses his glasses a little, has always liked how adorable Mew looked with them perched on his nose.

They're not there anymore, haven't been since he broke up with Top.

His own hands rest on Mew's waist as he dances along, one palm gliding over his side, a little off rhythm, but he can't seem to care about that. Not when Mew is in his arms, Mew, who's everything he has always wanted.

He lets his eyes stray away from Mew's pretty face, from his eyes that seem to have lost their shine (blame it on the lack of glasses) for a second, and he notices it, the familiar leather jacket, soft hair bouncing with each step he takes, the same hair he has run his hands through before. Sand.

Something tugs at his heart as he lets his eyes follow him, suddenly distracted.

"I wanna get more drinks," Mew slurs out, head leaning against Ray's shoulder blade. Ray drags his eyes away from Sand, who's walking out and towards the back of the bar "Wanna come along, Ray?"

Ray shakes his head, suddenly unable to form words, suddenly being overtaken by the need to talk to Sand. "I need a smoke. I'll be right back." he says, taking a step towards the exit door. In his peripheral vision, he can see Mew nodding as he pulls away, tipsily as he walks in the other direction to get himself a drink.

He starts walking, just a little bit hurried, afraid that Sand would leave before he gets there.

• 🌊˖°🐋🐚 •

Sand looks a little bit like a mess.

His hair is a little tousled, and he's got dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes as he smokes, letting out a soft cough. He hasn't noticed Ray yet.

Ray pushes the door open, letting the soft breeze hit his face as he pats at his pocket looking for his own box of cigarettes before pulling out one. He maintains eye contact when Sand turns to look at him, watches the way he looks a little taken aback, but represses his surprise to appear nonchalant.

"Can you light this up for me?" He asks, tilting his chin towards Sand's lit cigarette.

Sand shakes his head at him, incredulous, reaching his pockets to pull his lighter out. "Maybe you should quit smoking if you're never going to bring your own lighter."

Ray almost winces at the cold tone of his voice. It's so unlike him, so unlike the boy that smiles wide and holds the galaxy in his sparkling eyes. It's so unlike the boy that touched him, soft and protective as he gave him a bath.

Ray doesn't reply. He doesn't know what to say, his heart throbs with a pain he can't seem to describe. He lights up his cigarette instead, letting the burn of the smoke filling his lungs ease the ache in his chest.

"So? What's up with you and Mew?" Sand asks. There's no curiosity in his eyes, almost like he knows exactly what's going on. Ray wonders how much he knows.

"Congrats, by the way. You're no longer in the friendzone." Sand continues, turning towards him. His voice is raspy, "how's it going?"

"Good." He says, shrugging, still not used to the icy tone of Sand's voice, "We need to see if it's going to work between us, but I'm glad that he's giving me a chance."

"Good." Sand parrots, fiddling with the cigarette he's holding between his fingers, "You can finally end your secret pining. What a waste of time, am I right?"

Ray looks at him, at the disappointment in Sand's eyes, at the way he masks it with his harsh words. Like the defensive response of a wounded animal.

It works, and Ray feels a prick in his heart.

"Are- are you okay?" He asks, he can't take it, can't take the mild scorn on Sand's lips, the way his eyes shine with disapproval, the way every word he says calls Ray a traitor.

A smirk pulls at Sand's mouth, and he takes a drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke out right on Ray's face. "Why wouldn't I be?" He asks, "You've finally gotten the person you love, must be a dream come true."

A desperation claws at his chest, alarms blaring in his head at the way Sand sounds so indifferent.

His voice trembles a bit, "Can we still be friends?"

"Friends?" Sand asks, letting out an exhale, a small smirk still tugging at his lips. He shakes his head, "You and I haven't been friends from the get-go. We have nothing in common.

"Besides, I don't have any reason to be friends with you."

The desperation takes over him, his eyes sheening over with tears as he says, feeling a little pathetic, "But when I'm with you, I'm so damn happy-"

Sand looks into eyes, tired. He looks like he's sick of Ray, "You have Mew to make you happy now, Ray." He takes a step closer, "In fact, he can make you even happier than I do."

Ray can't help but want to tell him, "No he cannot. He hasn't made me happy in a long long time." He can't help but want to pull Sand closer, trap him in whatever unlabeled shit they are currently doing, and never let go.

He has to bite his tongue to hold back.

There's a moment of silence, heavy, stagnant with tension. But it doesn't last too long, because Sand takes a step ahead, away from him.

Ray panics as he reaches out to hold his arm, tears brimming at his eyes when Sand sighs. He sounds exhausted, his eyes are glazed over too, "Just let me go, Ray."

He sounds so resolute, so conclusive as he pulls Ray's hand away from his arm and walks away. Ray's heart feels like it's made of lead as he watches Sand's back as he walks away.

He can't let it end, not like this anyway.