let me in your ocean - sandray

5.

Ray wakes up to the soft sound of guitar strums.

Sand isn't next to him, neither is Nick- who probably took the hint and went away. He sighs to himself as he stretches and looks for his goose, trying to mentally prepare for the conversation he's going to initiate now.

The goose isn't inside anymore, probably has waddled out along with Sand. He chuckles to himself at the goose's sheer favouritism, but he can't blame it.

If he were a goose and had to stick with someone fucked up like himself, he would leave the first chance he gets too.

He shakes his head as he opens the door of the caravan and walks out. The air is cold as it hits his face, making him shiver slightly. It's still slightly dark, it's probably only 4 or 5AM.

"Why are you awake at this hour?" Ray asks, startling Sand enough for him to almost drop the guitar he's holding. The goose looks up at him, curious as he takes a seat on the chair next to the one Sand is sitting in, noticing that the fairy lights are turned on.

"You walked in and gave me the shock of my life," Sand says, trying to sound indifferent, but his voice has a soft edge to it that ruins his attempt, "How do you expect me to sleep after... well, that ?"

Ray chuckles to himself, eyes never leaving Sand who has now taken to glaring at the goose. The round of his cheek, the slope of his nose, the mole on his chin.

"You know, that day in the car, I thought I was about to die," he starts. Sand looks up and away from the goose with a raised brow, but doesn't interrupt. "My whole life started flashing in front of my eyes, my childhood, my mom, her smile, all my friends," he lets out a chuckle when Sand makes eye contact with him, "the last person I talked to. It was you."

Sand leans forward, a small sigh escaping his lips as he says, albeit reluctant, "If something happened to you that night, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself."

Ray finds himself smiling at that, an inexplicable fondness thrumming through him steadily. "Yeah, you saved me."

A moment of silence follows, before Ray breaks it. "How many people do you think would care if I died that day? Would anyone be sad, would they miss me? Or would they be happy that a shitty guy like me is gone?"

"Hey, that's an overstatement. There's people shittier than you in this world, you know? Boston, for instance."

They both chuckle at that. The goose honks from where it is on the floor. Ray bends down to pet it as a way to shut it up.

"But if something did happen to you, well, you should know I would've cried my ass off."

Ray looks up at that, vision blurring a little as Sand looks right back at him. Something slots in place then, a shard of his heart, the final piece of a puzzle he has been solving his whole life- he isn't sure. But everything suddenly seems to make sense.

Sand smiles at his gobsmacked expression before taking a swig of his beer.

"When I die," Ray says, feeling just a little overwhelmed as he stares at the slight bob of Sand's Adam's apple when he swallows the drink. Sand looks like an oil painting like this, blurred at the edges due to the tears brimming in his eyes. Hazy but still incredibly, overwhelmingly gorgeous, "Can you play Micro songs at my funeral?"

"Stop talking about death," Sand replies with an amused shake of his head, "I'm still young with many dreams I want to achieve."

Ray's smile widens as he relents, "Now that I'm alive, will you let me be a part of your dream too?"

Sand laughs to himself, eyes glinting with a challenge, "Are you sure you can handle that, you rich brat? The path to my dream is ragged and rocky."

"Yeah," Ray says, and it's getting harder and harder to hold back his tears, "I think I'll be just fine as long as you're with me."

Sand's lips quirk up as he smiles at his corny comment, eyes searching Ray's, "You know, I've never been this yielding to anyone before."

"And I've never been this crazy for anyone, enough to drive this far in the middle of the night in hopes of catching a glimpse of them."

"Yeah?" Sand says, sounding just as breathless as Ray feels. He leans in, watches as Sand does the same, the magnetic energy, the gravitational pull, the tension is too hard to resist, and when their lips meet, Ray lets go of the tears in his eyes.

It's always so easy with Sand. Easy to forget his fears, easy to savor the moment, easy to let himself indulge.

It's not hurried, not desperate like he had imagined it would be, just sensual, overpowering as he savours the feeling of Sand's plush lower lip against his own. Their lips move in tandem, like a key in a lock, and Ray knows that Sand is his perfect fit, the only one he wants.

He feels the scorching touch of Sand's palm against his cheek and he lets himself pull Sand closer with a hold on the nape of his neck. He caresses it softly, feeling Sand's breath hitch as he moves his fingers to his collarbones, to his chest, and slowly to the hem of his worn out tee.

He nips at a specific spot on Sand's lips, expecting the satisfied hum that follows it, a dance they've practiced way too many times to get wrong. Ray thinks he wants to keep practicing it as he lets his other hand caress the pretty mole on his chin, he wants to map out the outline of Sand's body with his tongue, X's marked over him- every spot that will affect him, give him that sweet, sweet pleasure.

They pull away to breath, and Sand looks so pretty like this, lips bitten raw and cheeks flushed. His hand doesn't leave Ray's cheek, Ray doesn't want it to.

They stare at each other for a moment, and Ray almost forgets to breathe - that's just how breathtaking Sand is. From the periphery of his vision, he can see the goose waddle away, finally done with its mission.

"Ray," Sand whispers, voice a low, nervous rumble as he inches closer, "What do you feel about me?"

Ray swallows, suddenly nervous, "I-"

"How do you feel about me right now, Ray?" Sand reiterates, poking a finger against his chest, over the skin covering his heart, and looks at him like he's staring into him. Like he's staring right through him, at the shards of his broken heart, at every ounce of dread that lies in the crevices, at the overflowing emotion running through his veins.

"I love you," he says, taking a deep breath, "and I've never wanted anything as bad as I want you right now."

Sand takes a shaky breath as he looks at him, at the fresh set of tears filling up his eyes, searching for any sign that Ray would take his words back.

"Yeah?" Sand whispers after another moment of silence, "Then you should have me."

They kiss again, more messy this time, and Ray isn't sure how they end up inside the caravan and on the tiny bed, it's a blur. All he can think of is Sand, his soft hair tangled between his fingers, his warm hands on Ray's sides, his tongue tangling with his own.

"I love you," he says again against Sand's lips when Sand sets him down on the bed. "I love you."

Sand pecks him, once, twice, eyes softening when Ray tries to get his tee off, fiddling with its hem. Sand is hovering over him, voice trembling with honesty, and it feels like they're handing each other their hearts, bloody and beating, trusting the other to take care of it. "I love you too."