Trapped In Flames (A Shivian fic)

Moonlight | 9 ❥

content warning, talk of an eating disorder

"Do we have to go?" Siobhan asked frustratedly, her rolling eyes seeping with irritation as Vivian read out an invitation to a dinner at Reece's house.

She'd grown to deeply value and appreciate the kindness of Reece, Marjorie and Autumn over the past few months, but she still wasn't exactly the same social butterfly that Vivian was.
The thought of having to politely greet people -some of whom that she didn't particularly care for- through gritted teeth all evening was not her ideal Friday night.
"Yes, Bon." Viv groaned in response, she'd known that Siobhan wouldn't exactly have been over the moon about rearranging their date plans to attend the dinner, but she really wasn't in the mood to have to spend all day begrudgingly convince her to go.
"Look, it was really kind of them to invite us over in the first place, and it's an unofficial celebration for Autumn's birthday, and you two get on, don't you?" Vivian continued, trying to spur some enthusiasm into Siobhan.

It was true, Siobhan and Autumn did get on surprisingly well. Neither of them had grown up in an environment where they had been able to express their emotions, so now they were collectively perceived as heartless and unsympathetic by those who didn't know them.
In all honestly, this was far from reality. Both Autumn and Siobhan felt immensely empathetic towards the people that they cared about, however they showed it in different, less conventional ways.
It was refreshing for both of them to have somebody that understood how nauseating overwhelming outbursts of public emotion could be.

Siobhan brushed a steady hand through her glossy, beige hair and debated uncertainly with herself.
Yes, it would be nice to see Autumn, among a few others, and yes, Marjorie would be relentlessly on her case if she told her that she wasn't going, but she still wasn't fond of the idea of attending a gathering that would assumably be housing guests that she didn't exactly see eye to eye with.

"Yes, we get on," Siobhan sighed finally, "I'll go, but only for you."
"Good!" Vivian exclaimed, "It'll be really good for you to get out of the house, Bon."
Siobhan shuffled uncomfortably, she knew that she should make more of an effort to go out more often on the days where she wasn't required to be at work, but she'd always very much been an 'all work and no play' kind of person, and if she was being completely honest, the idea of letting her guard down and really relaxing terrified her.
Viv noticed her rapid change in demeanour and quickly changed the subject.
"Your hair looks lovely, babe, your hairdresser's done a really good job." She smiled, leaning forward to plant a light kiss on the blondes left cheek.
The tension in Siobhan's face softened with appreciation as she realised what Viv was doing, she could always rely on Vivian to notice the exact moment when things felt like they were too much, and then gently guide her down a less threatening path of distraction.
"Thank you, beautiful." Siobhan replied earnestly, a warm smile drawn along her lips.

༻❥༺

The next few days raced by speedily, and before Siobhan knew it, Friday had rolled around.

Her fingers slowly grazed against her hip bones as she pulled her standard, black trousers over her waist.
She was stood gracefully in front of the long mirror perched on the bedroom wall, carefully admiring the elegance of her reflection.
Siobhan had struggled with harmful eating habits for a long time. For a lot of her life she'd felt as though she was trapped in an eternal loop of powerlessness and lack of control, and the only thing she had held any power over was her weight.
Most women grow up with the overbearing, unfeasible beauty standards of the modern world cornering them into an eclipse of self hatred and insecurity, and Siobhan was no exception to this.
She'd always chased a non existent feeling of satisfaction over her body to attempt to numb the worthlessness that had felt so deep rooted inside of her heart. So, for the 35 years she'd spent on the planet, her weight had always fluctuated between being dangerously low and in better times, almost healthy.