Chapter 1

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TW: eating disorder, suicide, self harm



"Taylor, time to get up!" Mom calls. I roll over and slowly get up. I sigh and get ready for school. "Taylor! You're going to be late!" Mom shouts again.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I shout back running down the stairs. I'm about to run out the door and Mom pulls my arm into the kitchen.

"Taylor grab some food," Mom says. I sigh and grab a piece of toast.

"Bye Mom! Love you!" I ran out the door and out to my car. I glance next door and see Travis, my neighbor, getting into his car. I roll my eyes and drive to school. I ignore the slice of toast Mom gave me and throw it out on the way into class. I sigh and sit down and pull out my book and start to read.

"So, what are you reading?" Travis asks, sitting down in front of me and leaning his arms on my desk. I pull the book closer to me and roll my eyes. "What? All quiet now?" Travis pulls the book out of my arms and flips it shut.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask pulling it away from him and sitting back down. I roll my eyes and class starts. I walk into lunch a few classes later and sit down with Selena and Abigail.

"Oh look, all the nerds sitting together, what's up, are you talking about your stupid books," I hear Travis say behind us. I whip my head around and glare at him.

"What's wrong with you? What did we ever do to you?" I ask standing up. Travis backs up a step and laughs.

"Oh what, is nerd girl all mad at me now, oh poor baby," Travis mocks. All of a sudden my hand whips past his face and I slap him. As soon as my hand hits his face my hands jump to my face and I gasp. I turn around and see Selena and Abigail stand up behind me. I see a teacher come over and take Travis away. I slowly turn around to Selena and Abigail and they're mouths are dropped open.

"That was amazing Tay," Abigail says, grabbing my hand as we sit back down. No one takes me to the office and no one yells at me. I finish the day normally and drive myself back home. I hadn't seen Travis the rest of the day and assumed he went home. I pulled into my driveway back home and slowly opened the garage. I sigh and start to walk in when someone grabs my hand and pulls me away to the side of my house.

"Taylor, what did I do to you?" Travis asks. I scoff and roll my eyes.

"What do you think? Maybe because you bullied me endlessly for years. You've made fun of me for everything," I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Look, Taylor, I'm so sorry for everything," Travis says slowly, taking my hand. I smack his hand out of the way and scoff.

"Forget it, you're not sorry," I say, shoving him away and starting to walk back to my house.

"No, Taylor, you don't understand, I am so sorry for everything I ever said to you, I never meant any of it, I never did it, I love you Taylor, since the moment I first saw your stunning blue eyes with your curly hair," Travis starts. I turn back around and I feel my eyes fill with tears. "You were wearing the light blue tank top, it was the first day of freshman year, and you had the black leggings to go with it and your hair was so long and straightened with two little braids in front. You walked in and I fell in love with you. Everything about you Taylor, you are the most perfect person I've ever met, I love you Taylor." Travis says. Travis slowly pulls me into a hug as I start to cry. I slowly pull back from Travis and wipe my eyes.

"I have to go Travis, I'll text you later," I say. I walk back to my house without turning back and roll my eyes. No way was he telling the truth, he lies about everything, he just wants to make me feel even worse about myself. I start to run up the stairs when Mom calls me back down. I sigh and turn back. I slump down the stairs and walk into the living room.

"What do you want for dinner?" Mom asks. I shrug.

"I don't mind, I had a big lunch with Abigail and Selena so I'm not that hungry, whatever sounds fine," I say lying. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning but what Mom doesn't know won't hurt her.

"How about we just have leftovers," Mom says. I nod. I walk back up to my room and sit on my bed. I slowly pick up a small knife and my hand shakes as it touches my thigh slowly. I slowly gasp and my voice shakes. After 3 small strokes I cover up the marks with bandages and lay down on my bed. I bury my face in a pillow and start to cry. I cry for almost 40 minutes and then Mom calls me down for dinner. I sigh and slowly stand up. I walk over to my bathroom and slowly wipe my eyes. I look for a second and sigh as I walk downstairs. I sit across from Mom at the table and spin the food around my fork. I take a couple small bites and throw out the rest and walk back upstairs. I slowly shower and then lay back down in bed. I start to cry again as I fall asleep. I don't even know why I'm crying, I'm just tired of everything. I'm tired of people bullying me and I'm tired of Travis.

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