Fall in San Diego

15. a buzzing sound

"What do you mean you don't know what to do about it?" Tanya asked, her voice rising a little.

"I mean we don't fucking know what to do!" Peter yelled but Tanya didn't seem fazed. "Have you tried anything?"

"Why the fuck would I participate in this stupid thing anymore?" she spat. "Following you anywhere has been the most stupid decision of my life. And now you want to drag me into what you caused?"

"W-what I caused?" Peter took a deep breath and placed his palm on his forehead. "Tanya, are you even listening to yourself?"

"Oh now you're saying I'm fucking crazy?" My eyes widened at her behaviour. "Okay, give me more reasons why I'm fucking worthless!"

"Tanya!" I said. "Can you calm down? Please?"

The look in her eyes as she turned to me terrified me.

"You shut the fuck up!" I took a step back, startled. "You just...stay out of this!"

Her breathing started to get rapid and ragged. Sobs escaped from her mouth.

"We're all in this together, just for your information. So you can't tell anyone to stay out of it."

She looked towards the ground and shook her head. "Don't fucking talk to me," she spat.

"Tanya, what's...why are you-"

"I said shut the fuck up!"

The annoyance that was simmering somewhere in my gut started to grow into a huge flame of anger.

If this was about the whole thing that happened the day of the sunset then she was fucking kidding. She had no idea how much it hurt me too. She was being the bitch she was if she was getting mad at me for that.

"You shut the fuck up!" I didn't know when the anger took over my brain. I know I should've tried to stop the whole thing instead of doing this but I'd just had enough of Tanya.

"Can you stop being a fucking bitch right now? Sometimes, maybe it's actually your fault some things happen, you know?"

Her jaw dropped slowly and fresh tears spilled and ran down her face. Her lips were trembling as she opened her mouth to speak.

"At least I didn't kill my family."

My heart beat halted for a moment and my stomach twisted at her words. My head spun.

I glanced at Peter. He couldn't look me in the eye. He'd told her. I should have told him not to.

Tears welled up as fast as lightning in my eyes and my throat hurt like hell as I tried to blink the tears back. But I couldn't. My vision became cloudy and I turned away to leave but at the last second I halted and turned around.

"Fuck you."

Then I ran. It felt like the last time I ran. It's just that it didn't feel good this time. The last time, I felt free, like a weight was being taken off my shoulders. This time it felt like I was being dragged down, like I was being pushed from every direction. It was overwhelming. Still, I didn't stop. I ran and wove through the trees. My legs carried me farther and farther away. It was hard though, because the tears clouded my eyes so I couldn't see properly. I felt the breeze brush my face violently as I moved faster through the air. I was crying so much. I couldn't believe how much her words cut through me.

I kept running until I let go. This time I didn't smack a tree. I felt myself rolling on the floor until I stopped in the middle of a clearing. My chest heaved and I tried to catch breaths between my sobs.

I rolled over and lay face down, weeping harder. My chest hurt so much. I tried to take deep breaths.

How did everything go so wrong so fast? This was Tanya's fault. The bitch-