Broken Daydreams (BoyxBoy)

Sinking

~Hey guys, before you read, There IS self harm in this chapter, so if you're sensitive to any of that self harm and abuse stuff proceed with caution. Don't say I didn't warn you.~

I woke up the next morning still sad, and still wanting to bawl my eyes out, even though I had already done that the night before. How could I be so devasted over something? Well, he obviously meant a lot to me, though, can I blame him? Who would like someone like me? no one.

"Andrew! Breakfast is ready!" I heard my mom call me from downstairs but I really wasn't in the mood to see anyone or interact with humans at the moment. I just wanted to be alone for a while. A long while.

"Wow, I look like crap. Though, that isn't very out of the norm now is it?..." There it is I'm talking to myself again. I must look like an idiot a lot huh?

As I got up from my bed I felt an unbearable pain in my head, though it was NOTHING compared to the pain in my chest. I constantly had this sinking feeling in my heart, like it would never stop dropping. I just have to stick through it though. He'll never change his mind and I have to get over him sooner or later.

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and then I went straight back to my room. I turned on my computer and the blue lights started to light up the room. I had built my first computer back when I was in seventh grade along with some of my friends and have used the same case ever since. After it booted up I went straight to Crunchyroll. I had to distract myself from everything I'm feeling. I just don't have the will to deal with it right now. I clicked on Naruto and started watching episode 24. I had decided not too long ago to rewatch it because when I first did I was really young and didn't understand much.

After the episode ended I realized that I actually hand't payed attention at all and would have to rewatch the episode because the entire time my mind kept linking things in the show to him. I decided to crawl back into bed and try to catch some more sleep but, that was probably my worst Idea all day. As soon as I huddled up under my blanket the tears wouldn't stop flowing. My heart sank even worse than before and this feeling of loneliness just wouldn't go away. I quickly ran to the bathroom as I felt that I would soon throw up, but when I walked in I noticed that my dad had left one his Razor's blades out of the box and on the sink. I stared at it for a minute or so before picking it up, locking the door and kneeling down.

"it's really come down to this hasn't it?"

I slowly lined it up on my wrist and pressed down, sliding it deep into my skin. I watched as the blood flowed and repeated my actions over and over until I couldn't anymore and just felt numb. The cuts went all the way up the bend on my elbow. I couldn't stop myself from doing it. While I was doing it I just completely forgot about my feelings for Ryder, or all feelings for that matter. I cleaned up the small puddle of blood that was on the floor now and as I was Rinsing my arm of the blood I heard knocks on the door followed by two familiar voices.

"Hey, Andrew it's us. Edward and Alphonse."

"Oh uh hey guys, I'll be right out!" I responded quickly and try to hide the sadness in my voice, though I don't think I did a very good job.

"You okay in there?" Edward was the first one to ask, he always knew when I wasn't okay. He could tell just by hearing my voice. We have been friends for as long as I have with Ryder. Shit, there I go thinking of him again. But as I was about to unlock the bathroom door, I realised I had to find a way to cover up the cuts on my arm. I quickly grabbed a towel undressed and wet my hair, to make it seem as if I had just taken a shower. I opened the door stepped out and quickly went to my room.

"let me get dressed real quick"

"uh yeah sure." Alphonse said.

As I got dressed I grabbed a long sleeve shirt and skinny jeans, the usual attire. But then I realized it was now June, making it extremely hot. Well, I'll just have to deal with it I guess. I've been having to deal with a lot of things lately huh?

I walked out of my room and instantly had Edward's death stare pinned on me.

"Let me see your arms" He sounded very acertive, guess there's no way out of this now.

I slowly pulled up my sleeves revealing the cuts. They both gasped.

"Why?" He didn't sound mad, he instead sounded worried.

"look, I can explain, just... How did you know."

"Let's just say you're not very good at cleaning up spills."

"Ahh I see. Well, sit down, Its a long painful story. Hope you have the patience to listen..."

~ sorry not sorry for naming them Edward and Alphonse~