Warnings
- self harm
- depressive thoughts
-suicide
- set after !no way home!
Why does he punish himself so much, the punishment of remembering. Peter will wake up and remember how he couldn't save uncle ben and how he couldn't save aunt may. Everytime he left Flash Beat him up after school, everytime he held back with a villain just for them to go out and seriously hurt someone, why does he keep remembering, god why, And what makes it so much fucking worse, no one else can remember Peter parker, theres no one to punish him for his crimes.
He's so lucky he isn't religious because he really should repent .He so fucked up Can't even save his last living fucking family. Everyone around him dies and shit he just thought about Mr. Stark, he hasn't thought about him in months, thats just another thing he can say he fucked up on, he gained a father figure just to fuck it up and be a fucking wimp by not snapping his fucking fingers. Now he's dead too, wow way to go parker. He can hear a flash in the back of his mind, he realizes he's on his bathroom floor in the corner curled into himself. What a fucking pathetic waste of space. Really.
He gets off the nasty got damn floor and moves over to his bed. The fucking dingy as shit old bed, which he got for cheap and he's sure is carrying some sort of disease. but it's all he could afford. Aunt May would be so disappointed, He got her killed, because he's such a dumbass, messing with a spell because he didn't think it all the way through.Like he always does, never thinking anything through. Dr.Strange must be so happy he doesn't have to deal with him, his whiny, indecisive ass. Always making fucking mistakes.
He wanted to be called spider-man so badly but it's obvious he was just a boy. Still is, is in the back of his throat but it doesn't escape. What a fucking joke. Not to mention he tried to end it last month and he couldn't afford to get a knife at the store to do it. He's so fucking broke he couldn't afford to get a knife to end it, what a fucking sad waste of space, he hears flash, again. He's starting to think it might be a little unhealthy to think about your high school bully this much. He couldn't even get himself to say something to Ned in that fucking coffee shop, honestly what a joke.
He was even stupid enough to almost get the other peter killed,an older and way more skilled Peter. He was so slow he couldn't even catch Mj. God how he misses her. Too bad he fucked that up, He can't do anything right can he? Just a fucking failure he is. Puny Parker is what he is. Ha..it's honestly funny how well it fits now.
He can afford the knife now, he doesn't know what he'll do with it though.
Maybe he should end it now, the knife is long and sharp, it's..It's perfect. He takes it to his wrists and cuts, deep until There's blood pooling underneath his arms onto the kitchen table slash whatever the fuck you would call this small ass table in his even smaller apartment. He sees may infront of him now, reaching out a hand, with Ben right beside her. He can see figures past them in the distance but he can't recognize them. They turn and he registers them as his parents. May is in his line of vision again and he smiles at her as she reaches a hand out to caress his face. "Come on baby, It's the end" She says in a voice Peter doesn't recognize. It sounds so foreign. She sounded like that after, after Ben. He smiles and takes her hand.
"I guess there is a way home"
