Raindrops (Kim Seungmin)

Are you serious?

"Hi, pup," I said, trying to break the tension. My palms felt clamy.

"Hi," He said, smiling. I smiled back, letting a deep breath out. "How was your trip?" He asked.

"It was good until the last day. At first, Leo and I didn't share a room. But we sorted it out. Leo didn't do too well after the trip. I talked to my ex fling, and we are friends again. I missed you a lot, " I said, telling him all about it.

"I'm glad you had fun for most of the trip. ex fling, tho?" He said curiously.

"Yeah, his name is Lyn, and he's happily married, by the way." I said, not wanting him to get jealous.

" I didn't ask." He said with a smile.
I laughed it off.

"How were you while I was gone?" I asked. "I was okay. I was writing music for a straykids record. We have been practicing a whole lot lately because of the new comeback."

I nodded. The waitress asked us what drinks we wanted and what we would like to eat. We told her and went back to our conversation.

our conversation went on as usual. We joked and teased each other. He did seem a little distance.

"Have you thought about us?" I asked when there was a break in conversation.

He nodded. "How do you feel about me?" I asked.

" I don't know." He said with a straight face.

"Are you serious?" I said, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I think I only see you as a friend." He said, reaching out to my hand on the table. I pulled away from his touch and sucked up my tears. He looked at me with a sad, unsure look.

"Okay, if you want to be friends, I am okay with that." I said, lying. Tears were still stinging my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I really am." Seungmin said one last time before I got up, not wanting him to see me cry. " Wait, Jay!" He said, trying to make me stay. I walked to the front and paid for both of our meals and went out to my car. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face, the rain making it feel even more dramatic. The rain hitting my wind shield made me cry even more.

When I calm down slightly. Still sniffling and eyes still wet. I drive to the cemetery.  I cry when I make it to my dad's grave. I fall on my knees, not being able to control my emotions.

"Why did you tell me to settle down, dad? I don't understand. What is wrong with me? Am I not loveable?" I say sobbing in front of my father.

"Why aren't you here, dad? what do I do with myself? How do I get back up and try with someone else? I love him." I felt some relief getting it all out.

I felt like I was confronting my dad in a way. I still felt so angry with him for leaving me and my brother. Everything piled up tonight. Being rejected was just the tip of the iceberg. I got up and dusted off, breathing in and out slowly. I walked over to my late mom.

I was soaked by the rain. "Hey, mom, Im sorry, I don't come often. I know you must be upset with me, but I really need your help. I need your help, mom." I cried harder, feeling the rain fall on me. She used to tell me to always see the positive side of everything like the rain. But I don't see anything positive about this. I laid down next to her grave and ended up falling asleep.

I woke up like 30 minutes later from someone kicking me awake.

" The cemetery is closed, young man. I need you to leave. you can come back in the morning." The security guard said, helping me up.

I walked to my car, feeling so weak. I hadn't cried like this since my dad died.

I drive back to the house. I took all of my clothes off while walking to the bathroom. I felt lifeless in a way. I took a long shower, the hot water feeling so good on my cold skin.