Prologue
"Ako na lang, please? We've known each other for a long time! I don't see any reason why we can't be more than friends!"
Vixen and I have been friends since time immemorial. We basically grew up together. From elementary school to college, we were together.
"Don't you like me? Didn't you have... feelings for me?" She bit her lips while looking at me expectantly. "I won't break your heart the way she did. I won't leave—"
"Stop it, Vixen. Just please... stop..." I was too weak and hurt to even argue with her.
I gave her one last glance before leaving my unit. I already changed my passcode but, somehow, she still got in.
There was a point in time that I liked Vixen more than just a friend. It was my first time confessing to someone... and the first time I got rejected. It was even more painful because she was my friend. I thought I'd lose her.
"This is such a lame despidida party. How can we enjoy if he looks so glum? And it's not even because he'll miss us!" Rinig kong pagreklamo ng isang pinsan.
We were sitting in a circle around the bonfire. I didn't want to have a despidida party thrown for me because I just couldn't see the point. Sigurado akong bibisitahin nila ako at hindi aabot ng isang taon bago kami magkita ulit.
Yes, it's gonna be different not having my cousins around anymore but they're not the ones I'm gonna miss. The only person I will miss isn't here. They're not her.
"Should I be sorry, Ahia? That I introduced you to her?"
I smiled bitterly. I know that all their eyes are on me right now, observing me silently. They've never seen me in this state before. Hell, I've never been in this kind of situation before! I've never witnessed myself acting this way before!
I shook my head to answer my cousin's question. I want to say more but it felt like I lost my vocabulary.
It's one thing to feel hurt because of a strained relationship. But to know the fact that I was at fault is another kind of pain.
"I deserve this," I whispered to myself.
Those words were supposedly for myself only. But with this kind of deafening silence, I'm sure they heard it too.
You deserve what you tolerate, they say.
She didn't deserve what happened so she stopped tolerating... she stopped tolerating me... she chose what's best for her and that wasn't me.
"Don't be sorry," I said again, this time with a small yet genuine smile.
A bittersweet ache unfurled in my chest. It was unsettling but I knew that I simply had to feel it.
The pain is numbing and maddening but she's still the best thing that happened.
If given the chance to go back in time, I would do better. But that's the thing about chances. Sometimes, we're given too many chances that it makes us complacent and comfortable.
And when that point comes, we no longer get that one last chance... because we've been given enough chances already.
"Hijo, I'm retiring from the organization. I just want to shop and travel... and maybe take care of my grandkids?"
Pinanliitan ko si Mama ng mga mata. Katatapos ko lang sa isang meeting at ngayon ay nagbabasa ako ng mga report.
My alarm then rang, which means that it's time for me to attend my online tutoring class. I'm taking a language lesson to continuously improve my Filipino. I've never been good at it, and now that I'm overseas, I fear that my worse will come to worst.
