Reunited Paths: A Father's Journey (Harvey Specter ff)

Echoes of Regret

Harvey never let himself get emotional except for a handful of moments. His wedding to Nina, the birth of his son, his ex-wife's funeral, and right now. He felt like a failure, how could he forget to pick up Mike from school. It had been one of the few responsibilities that came with taking care of a child; feed him, clothe him, give him shelter, make sure he doesn't get sick, and pick him up from school.

Harvey closed his eyes a moment longer than a blink. He was met with flashbacks of his past; all the arguments that he had with Nina. On one particular occasion, she had threw his case files all over the floor. She had been so fed up that she was doing everything and Harvey wasn't contributing. She been telling him day after day to step up; to pick up Mike from school, to go to his school events, to be a part of his life, but Harvey just pushed it off.

He had been trying so hard to make Junior Partner. He had to work harder than he'd ever had to before. He had been working round the clock to win cases, and sign on new clients. He kept thinking to himself; when he makes Junior Partner he'll do it; he'll be in Mike's life. But becoming Junior Partner had come with a lot of responsibilities, and he couldn't slip up. A slip up would mean he could be fired and that just wasn't a possibility. He started working twice as hard as he was before, he started spending longer and longer nights at the office, and less time with his family. When he finally settled down a routine, he had started working even harder for Senior Partner. The higher the rank, the greater the time commitment.

Harvey sat down on the sofa, his head buried in his hands. He was racking his brain, trying to figure out how to fix this. "God, Nina, I don't know what to do. I really messed up. I wish you could just tell me what to do", Harvey said to no one in particular. He continued, a single tear escaped his eyes, "Please just tell me what to do."

He hated crying. He hated being emotional. It made him feel weak and not in control. "I miss you so much, Nina.  You always knew what to do, always knew how to fix everything. I'm so lost, and I can't figure this out. Please, I need you. Just give me a sign, anything."

He paused, his voice breaking. "I don't know how to be Mike's dad without you. I'm failing him, Nina. I see it in his eyes, the disappointment. He needs you, and all he's got is me, stumbling through this mess. I don't know how to be the father he deserves. I feel like I'm letting him down every single day. What do I do, Nina? How do I make this right?" He choked back a sob, his voice barely a whisper. "I just wish you could help me. I wish you were here to guide me, to tell me what to do. I can't do this alone." The emptiness in the room echoed his despair, and the silence only deepened his sense of isolation.

Harvey sat there for a minute, just letting himself feel. He couldn't be emotional for long, he had to be there for his son. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he focused on the rise and fall of his chest. Focusing on breathing was the fastest way to get him to get out of his head. Nina had helped him figure that out years ago and that piece of her always stayed with him.

He wiped his hands across his face. He didn't know what to do; this was unfamiliar territory for him. Harvey saw Mike out of the corner of his eye. He ran into his bedroom and slammed the door shut. The slam of the door echoed through the condo. As Harvey stood there, grappling with his guilt and frustration, Mike leaned against his bedroom door, tears streaming down his face. His vision became blurry and he was struggling to wipe the tears as fast as they were falling.

He threw his backpack on the floor, not looking where it landed, and dove face first into his bed. His body did a little bounce as it hit the bed. The tears continued falling uncontrollably from Mike's eyes, each tear being absorbed into his pillow. It wasn't long before the pillow became uncomfortably wet. His small frame shaking with sobs. "Why did Harvey forget me", he whispered to himself. He felt all alone in the world, like no one would miss him if he disappeared.