Oh brother. How times have changed.

Chapter five: The past.

*Savannah's p.o.v*

It was 6am. I had school in two and a half hours. Usually I'd go back to sleep, but I couldn't. I hadn't slept very well. After a while I just gave up and stared at my ceiling. I kept thinking. I thought about how I slapped Derek the night before.  Maybe I over exaggerated? What if what he said was all true? What if he actually was trying to make an effort? Then I would feel absolutely terrible.

No. That's probably not the case. We're talking about Derek Hastings here. My hair was uneven for months because of his bubblegum incident. I guess he hadn't changed. Oh well. I didn't care. That's not my problem.

I decided to leave my bed and head to the kitchen. My mum was already there, getting breakfast ready for the rest of us. She worked too hard.

"Morning mum" I smiled and hugged her.

"Morning sweetie" she smiled back and returned the hug and continued frying eggs.

"Smells good." I said.

"Yeah it better." She laughed. "Your dad called for you last night." She frowned.

I rolled my eyes. "Did you tell him I wasn't home?"

"Yes I did." Said my mum.

"Good. Tell him that every time he calls. I don't want to talk to him." I told her.

"I know he's a... Uhm. A bad dad. But it’s good for you to keep touch." She said.

"I don't care. We lost touch the minute he left us." I walked out of the kitchen.

It was true. He did leave us. I was 6 years old when he'd left. My sister Marilyn was 13 years old at the time. That was a bad year for us all.

I remember on my 7th birthday, he'd promised to come home and give me lots and lots of presents and cakes and a ballerina outfit and everything I wanted...but he didn't.

I spent my 7th birthday crying because daddy wasn't here yet. Yelling at mummy for driving daddy out. Telling mummy that I hated her and wanted daddy instead. That day I made mummy cry... I remember Marilyn yelling at me for making mummy cry. She told me that it was all daddy's fault, and that he was a bad dad that he didn't care about us. I screamed at her for saying bad things about daddy! Daddy loved me! I ran to my room and cried for the hours. Then I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it thinking it was daddy. "Daddy! I knew you would come!" ...but it wasn't him. Mummy and Marilyn came into my room with a beautiful little Barbie cake with 7 pink candles. I was disappointed that it was them and not my daddy. But they sang me happy birthday. So I blew out my candles and made a wish.

I wished daddy would come home and we would be a happy family again.

I also wished that on my 8th birthday

And my 9th

And my 10th

But at my 11th I called daddy.

I called him and told him I hated him and that I never wanted to see him , and hung up instantly before i could hear his response.

I remember the wobbliness in my throat as I was trying to keep back tears when I told him that. because I had to be strong. I had to be strong to show him I was better off without him. I had to be strong for myself! For Marilyn! For mummy!

Mummy deserved better than him.

I changed because of him.

I had to love myself for reassurance, and that turned into arrogance after a while

For a couple of years I had gotten in trouble in school for fighting and 'attitude problems'

From lack of male attention at home, I began to seek male attention at school.  I'd even broken a couple up because of my constant need for male security.