Truth Chasers

Chapter Three

Saturday 11th August, 2040.
HQ- Section 2, Quarter 1.
11:32pm.
___________________

Unlike the inside of the building, it's warm out here. I take in deep breaths and puff them back out. Everything dad said replays in my head over and again.
He doesn't think I'm responsible.
He called me a kid.
He thinks I don't know what I want out of life.

I messed up really bad. I wanted to prove to myself that I was ready. This is all I've ever wanted out of life. To be a spy for the Union. Most of all, I never wanted to disappoint dad. Why can't I act more on reason and less on impulse?

The tears I had managed to hold back keep making their escape as they stream down my face. I keep wiping at my cheeks with each new tear that sheds. I know that I'm probably never going to get the chance any time soon to come back here so I make an extra conscious effort to commit every detail of this balcony to my memory. The cool feel of the silver metal railing of the balcony against my skin, the flowers in ceramic vases displayed in various parts of the sitting area beside the small round tables. The soft glow of the city lights below. What would sitting here during the day time look like? Sitting under the warmth of the sun with the amazing view beneath my feet. I don't think I'll get to experience that. Not while I am under dad's roof, that is.

I peer down over the railing at the few normal people walking on the streets. They all seem so small and unbothered. Completely oblivious to the fact that watching them is a seventeen year old aspiring spy that has just made one of the biggest mistake of her entire life. A long depressed sigh escapes my lips.

I spot two people walking on the pedestrian side of the road. They're holding hands. I stare at them unashamedly. I can't help but picture dad and I like that— being so carefree. I watch them until they disappear from my sight. Would life have been like that for dad and I if he wasn't a spy? If we were normal would he somehow have been more affectionate? Is normal even something I truly want? I love the thrill that comes with being the daughter of a spy. It's just that sometimes I can't help but wonder what life would have been like without all this secrecy. Without all the risks and danger.

Life always seemed perfectly normal for me until I started getting older. Until I knew the difference between good and bad. Until I learned what secrets were. When I was younger I never went outside my house. I remember the house we lived in pre-Catalyst so well that even if I close my eyes I can still make out every detail. The bare white walls, doors that made use of knobs that we had to either push or pull open n instead of the modern doors with buttons to slide it open or shut, my former bedroom. Imagine still remember till this day how many steps it took me to run around the whole house because I spent every waking moment there.

Maybe in a sense I have something to be grateful to the Catalyst for. It was only until after the war ended that dad loosened up a bit and let me go out on occasion. And even when I was allowed to go out to stores or restaurants, I was never left unattended without supervision. Even now I can't leave the house without Knockout, my bodyguard, watching over me. And now according to law I have to attend school and be around people my age. But I have managed to make zero friends. There's too much risk with having friends. Having friends can lead to me outing too much information about what dad does.

Dad would always tell me 'Don't make friends Saylor. Make strategic acquaintances. People who will serve your needs.'  Instead of spending the day with friends or at social gatherings, dad would send me on supervised trips to either Section 2 or Section 3 with someone he deemed worthy enough stationed there to protect me. It wasn't always fun not being able to be around people in my age group but I got used to the solitude. I had come to the tough realization that my father's words were true. I don't need friends. Instead of riding a bike or engaging in activities after school, I race cars with Knockout, reread my spy research, practice French, listen to classical music and try to recreate it on my violin.