Andante

3

 No one tells you how to deal with loneliness. As it stands, I want to be on my own most of the time, I want to be left alone, but I don't want to be alone. I'm not quite sure if that makes sense but it's certainly how it feels. I want someone to be near but I don't want them too near or to ask too many questions or ask me to talk about things that I'm not ready for. The problem is that if I want people to be around me and know what's going on, then I have to talk and tell them everything. Though luckily, nobody currently has asked me or pressed me for any information. I know they can see a change in me but they haven't looked for a reason.

I wonder if sometimes anyone really notices me. I mean, I'm not loud like Marjorie, assertive like Autumn or fun and bubbly like Carly so I think sometimes I fall under people's radar. Some of that may be my own fault because I do my best to avoid any attention, but it would still be nice for people to see me regardless. When I told the staff at Christmas that I didn't think my husband would notice if I left, I meant that genuinely, we had become so numb to each other that we barely even noticed each other anymore and that's not a relationship that anyone wants to be in. Now though, I'm starting to feel like that's how it is with everyone, even people that I call my friends.

The house is quiet again this morning, the girls were with me last night but their dad took them to school this morning and the moment they left, the silence became deafening. I wonder sometimes if I've made the right choice, the house is so lonely it makes me second guess myself but the minute I step outside and my day begins, the feeling passes, I know the doubt is only fuelled by the fear of the change and the worry that I won't find the something that I feel is missing.

Today is not the day for worrying about home though because today is the day I have to worry about Mia. I pull into the car park, my heart pounding against my chest with anxiety. Everyone says that Mia is a nightmare and I am the worst at dealing with conflict but for Carly's sake, I needed to hype myself up a little.

I step into the nursery and it's very clear that the mood is slightly tense.

"I don't believe we've met" I jump at the sound of a low, gravelly voice. I turn around to see a very beautiful, yet dark redhead staring right into my eyes.

"Oh! Uhm...y-you must be Mia!" I stutter a little. She smirks at me, making me feel a little uneasy.

"That's right and you must be Charlotte," She says, hand on her hip, confident and authoritative.

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Reccey has mentioned you before, he just left out the part about how beautiful you are" She says, raking her eyes up and down my body. My face feels hot all of a sudden and I'm overcome with an unfamiliar feeling that makes me want to run.

"Oh, well thank you" I say and she shrugs at me a little. A silence falls over us but for some reason, I'm not uncomfortable.

"Well, I better get into the room before the parents start pilling in"

"You just call if any of them bother you," She says and walks away like a breeze. My heart continues to hammer against my chest as I make my way into the staff room.

"Charlie! Mornin, how are ye?" Sorcha asks, the sound of her voice bringing me back down to earth.

"Morning Sorcha, I'm good, how are you?"

"Ah I'm grand, just hoping the day goes by swiftly" She says, gesturing to the office with her eyes.

"Oh yes, I just met Mia actually"

"How was that?"

"Well, you're not wrong, she is gorgeous," I say, not able to make eye contact.

"I told ye!"