Read If You Like Vampires And Angst And Yaoi

heehee this is self indulgent

Trigger warning for a panic attack I guess? And minor self harm (hair pulling)

This is an age regression fic. Felix canonically regresses, and just does not know the terminology. I made this because I regress and yk, I'd like some rep, a lot of people think it's a kink but it should never be sexualized and I wish more people knew about it and it was normalized :(

This is a skippable fic! You won't miss any plot points or anything, so even though I think this fic is nice and adorable, you might not. And that's ok! I made this one mainly for me and one of my partners who also regresses, because I think it's nice to see agere rep.

Enjoy!!
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   Comfort is hard to get in an existence as cruel as Felix's life. People only ever hurt him and leave him, and he can't rely on anyone because they probably won't give it to him in the first place. He's only ever been beat, and yelled at, and starved, and isolated. So, he's had to find other ways to cope. 

   Of course, he engages in your average coping mechanisms. Cutting, getting blackout drunk, and starving himself, though self destructive, help him ground himself when he's unwell. And even so, how could he be self destructive if he hardly has any sense of self? However, there's one more thing he's done that helps him calm down. 

   This thing, instead of hurting him, is like a shield. Something that protects him from the harsh realities of the world inside of a soft, fluffy bubble. Something that wraps him up in a warm blanket and tells him that maybe he doesn't have to hurt himself. Not right now. Maybe things will be ok. Something that lets him curl up with his stuffed rabbit, Mr. Fluffington (Fluff for short), and feel safe, if even just for a night. The tough part about it is that he can't exactly control when he feels this way most of the time. 

   However, he's terrified to show this softer side to anybody. He knows that big, rough, pained him can take being hurt. He can't be hurt if he isn't vulnerable… but that's exactly what he is when he feels fuzzy. Vulnerable. And that's just not safe for him! I mean, what if someone takes advantage of that headspace? He couldn't let it happen. 

   But something in him really wanted to be vulnerable. To let someone hold him when he was fuzzy, to tell him stories and give him cuddles and take care of him- but God dammit, he didn't need that. He's a grown adult, and he couldn't show this side to anyone because even if he was safe, that doesn't mean he would be respected. So whenever he feels his mind start to simplify and the ridges on the sharp thoughts in his mind start to round out and soften, he locks himself in his cabin so he won't risk anything happening to fuzzy him. 

   But, there are certain times that it's very very hard to do this. You see, for decades, it's been just him. While lonely and- well, torturous, at least he didn't have to try so hard to hide this side of himself. However, he has a boyfriend now. And friends. And he leaves his cabin every couple of nights, sometimes even more often. So, there are times when he ends up in situations like these: 

   He's trapped, hiding in the bathroom in Micah's home, trembling, his thoughts not forming and his brain feeling nothing but fear and a longing for comfort. Sounds like a very specific situation to be caught in, right? That's because it perfectly describes the one he's in right at this moment. He's trying desperately not to cry or scream or- oh no, he wants to tantrum. Like a small child. He's an adult, for Christ's sake! He- well, he thinks so, at least. That's how he's supposed to feel right? W-why doesn't he feel like an adult? I mean sure, this isn't nearly the first time he's felt fluffy, but it's the first time he's processed just how small it makes him feel. He tugs on his hair, whining quietly- why is he whining like a child?? Why couldn't this have waited until he got home? He bangs his head back against the door, and although not too hard, still left an aching feeling throughout his head, to which his face scrunched up and he curls up in a ball, tears brimming his eyes.