Read If You Like Vampires And Angst And Yaoi

suffer.

Welcome back to horrific angst.

Tw for discussion of past sexual abuse and it's consequences (Felix cannot set proper boundaries and essentially refuses to say no for fear of being hurt)

Felix has issues with his ex who treated him as nothing more than an object. We hate his ex. We should kill her :3

This one is also pretty fucking short. I'm sorry guys. I'm cooking up some new crazy lore (Felix will become a cult leader, among other silly little traumatic events) and those will drop probably within the next week or two, hopefully. I'm feeling pretty motivated though so hopes are high!!
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   Bodily autonomy is a thing that for the longest time, Felix had never had the luxury to experience. Well, now he knows it's not exactly a luxury, per se, more so a basic human right. Maybe he's an exception because he's not human? He doesn't fully understand why he's supposed to be treated well. Why he apparently “deserves” the right to say no. Of course, other people can. Consent is very important in every situation, just… in his eyes, not when it comes to him. He'd rather just say yes, even if he doesn't mean it, because why would anybody listen if he said no? She didn't.

   Felix and Micah have been dating for a few weeks now. Well, looking back, they'd been dating in every sense other than the name for months. Things have been going well- Micah has been treating Felix surprisingly well, actually respecting the boundaries he'd managed to pry out of the smaller boy (although he's sure that wouldn't last long- why would it? What if those boundaries inconvenience him?) And keeping patient with him whenever he was having a, to say the least, not super peachy mental time, or the couple times he'd fallen into this weird headspace where he couldn't think straight and everything felt fuzzy. Hell, he could hardly even talk right! But even so, Micah had been there for him through all of it, and it confuses Felix to no end.

   And now he's sitting in his boyfriend's lap, their mouths intertwined. These are the times he likes, being close to Micah, whether it be kissing, cuddling, or well, really anything. But goddamn, he's scared that Micah might want to go further. I mean- sure, they've had sex before. More than once. But right now he's just… Not feeling it? Felix is hoping that the larger boy might want to, knowing he'd be too scared to say no, I mean- it wouldn't be so bad to let him do it even if he wanted, right? He's used to it. Just zone out. He suddenly snaps back in at a comment from Micah, hearing something he really did not want to hear. He couldn't even fully process what was said, only knowing that it wasn't exactly PG. When Felix heard that, he kind of just spiraled silently in a panic, not being able to form a response because he couldn't even process the question. Goddamn it, he has to do this again. It's been so long since he's had to force himself to do this.

   Micah, however, immediately notices. He knows Felix better than he thought he did, despite how skilled he is at masking (much to the priest's dismay, he's told him many times that it's unhealthy) he can tell when the vampire boy is upset. He immediately stops what he's doing, pulling away a tiny bit and holding the smaller boy's face in his hands, trying to snap him out of his head. “Tulip? Are you ok, darling?” He speaks quietly, looking the vampire right in the eyes even though he knows that he doesn't ever look back.

   Felix replies with a small “hm?” That small sound being all that he can push out, at least able to listen. Micah immediately keeps talking, sensing that his boyfriend can't talk too well right now. “Honey, do you want me to stop?” Felix doesn't respond. “It's ok if you want me to, I won't be upset.” he reassures, only leading the smaller boy to be even more confused. What does he mean it's ok? Why isn't he just doing it? Why the hell is he asking??? Micah understands this silence as him saying no, understanding. “That's ok, we don't have to. That's ok, darling.” Now this is where Felix starts to force himself to speak. “N-no, no, i-it’s ok! You can! I-i really don't m-mind!” The vampire stutters out, his voice forced and terrified. “Felix, I don't want you to ‘not mind', I want you to enjoy this too.” Micah reassures again, seeing an even more confused and scared expression form on the vampire's face, before he gets hit with an absolutely sickening realization.