I am not quite sure exactly why I do not tell Husband some things.
It is not because there are things he does not tell me. We talked about that. He has his reasons...that he does not want to affect what he calls my "paradigm," that he does not want to say or suggest or make me think that my Eorzean skills are not possible in Earth. At least not until I demonstrate those skills myself. I do not like this reason, but I accept it.
It is not because what I do not tell him is that embarrassing. I do not tell him I sometimes take the bus to Tulsa for chocolate. May's store has chocolate, but it is so...ordinary. I have not yet tried all the chocolate in all the chocolate stores in Tulsa, since that takes time and money. But I am not ashamed of spending the time and the money to do something I like.
It is not that I wish to not appear weak, though this is a concern. While Husband came from this world originally, it is not his home now, and it is even less my home, so we do need to be strong together. If we are weak, we need to let each other know. He knows I was upset when he showed me the Final Fantasy Fourteen game, and I saw my world in his game and I saw myself in his character. He does not know I am still upset. He explained to me how it was not my world, and not really me. He does not know I still wonder if I am real.
I think there are things I do not tell him, because I think of them as mine. I think they are part of me, that they are part of what makes me me. That I like one thing and do not like another thing and fear something else are parts of me. And I need to be me. I am his wife, I am his partner, I am his party member and his battle companion. But I am also me, I need to be me, whether or not I am any of those other things.
We live together. We do our projects together. We hold each other in bed. We are us, and that is a real thing. But I need to be a real thing too.
So I think I hold things inside me. To fill me, and help me feel I am me.
This may be another thing I need to tell Husband.
If I do, I wonder what he will tell me.
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FFXIV Write 2024
Fiksi PenggemarThese are my entries for the FFXIV Write 2024 challenge. They're side stories based on Echoes of Home. Some may be more canon than others. The challenge issues daily one-word or one-phrase prompts that submissions should follow. Do all the prompt...
