Good things can go bad, easily.
Susan: Hey, are you following me?
" No, no, I was just"
Susan: Relax I'm just messing with you
" Right, so what brings you here "
Susan: I started coming here after my boyfriend and I broke up and it brings joy to me, I clear my head here and it feels nice, what's your story that brings you here?
" Ummm see, there's just this thing I'm also going through a hard time, and needed to clear my head"
Susan: Really? Sorry
" No it's not a big deal, I'm fine I just wanted to take a walk"
Susan: I went by the store yesterday, you weren't there.
"Oh yeah I was helping my mom with her work"
Susan: that's so kind of you
"Yeah, I think so, so this party that you're throwing"
Susan: what about it, don't tell me you're chickening out
"Hahaha, what does that mean"
Susan: well I've never, ever seen you in a party before.
"I go to parties"
Susan: oh really?
"Yeah just not those kinds of parties, I went to my Nana's birthday party"
Susan: who's nana?
"I call my grandma Nana"
Susan: Shut up!
"Why? What did I say?"
Susan: that's what I used to call my grandma, before she passed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know"
Susan: no it's cool it's been a while, but sometimes I still miss her. Anywho you're still coming to the party right?
"Yes, definitely."
Susan: ok so I gotta go.
"Do you think maybe we could meet up here tomorrow since there's no school tomorrow"
Susan: you mean like a date?
" No, no, no, do you want it to be ? "
She smiled and walked away saying
"I'll see you tomorrow."
I headed back home shortly after. Seeing her today made my day. It's slowly killing me but I hope there'd be a brighter day to this.
I had dinner with my parents everything was casual, my dad makes these funny jokes which my mom doesn't like but it makes me laugh and we ended up having a great time at the table. I helped my mom with the dishes and bought my dad his beer, headed back up to my room, I started writing these little notes and sticking them on the wall, the notes were all about Susan and how much she makes me feel alive.
Sometimes, life gives you what you ask for, but not in the exact same picture you imagined it. If you could only see the way she makes everything around her feel incredible maybe you'd understand. It's not a secret I'm trying to hide, I think she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. If I could say it to her face it would be much better but it's not easy, I wish I could rewrite my life story, I wish I could have had a better heart, she makes me feel like I matter in this world and I want to feel that way forever with her. She's bad for my health, but she's also the reason I feel love in my heart.
I'm on my bed, it's getting late, I'm still thinking if I should tell her what I feel for her or tell her the truth about my condition and it's like I might lose her if I told her any of it. But that's tomorrow's problem.
