Broken Thread

Post Traumatic Estella Disorder

Home. Could it really be that easy? And what exactly was home for me now? Dalmoria? Seren? Scorpius?

All I knew for a fact was it wasn't where we stood now. Xoven had once been seen as some place safe, somewhere I thought everything would be blissful once I got there. But after everything that occurred, everything we lost, Xoven would never be home to me. I wanted to get as far away from this planet as I could. I wouldn't look back, wouldn't think of this wretched place for the rest of my existence...if I lasted that long.

That small dark wisp of fear was twisting through my veins. It was hard not to fuel it, not to let it bloom into something more sinister. But for the sake of everyone around, I couldn't let that doubt tug at me for too long. I refused to let their efforts go to waste. Not when things just started to look up.

The hall is quiet. A little too silent for my liking. The walls suddenly feel too high. A wave of feeling trapped washes over me and my palms begin to sweat. I have to remind myself I'm no longer captured. Demien wasn't near me, neither were the guards. None of them had my whereabouts. I was safe...for now.

My tail twitches behind me on the last of that thought. With unsteady hands, and my heart nearly in the base of my throat, I let my knuckles fall on the metal in front of me. The entrance to Estella's chambers.

I don't hear anything beyond the steel. No movement to let me know she's even in here, though I remember seeing her make her way into this room. Still, being alone, my nerves are everywhere but calm. Peering over my shoulder, I expect to see a rush of guards heading for me in all direction, but no one enters the hall. I don't even hear footsteps.

I raise my fist to knock again but the sliding of the door halts my hand midair. I'm face to face with Estella, her eyes moving from my face to my hand and back. An amused sound comes from her chest, though her expression is anything but.

"Come to beat me down for not giving you the welcome party everyone else so happily gave?" Her eyes narrow. My fist still stays in the air between us, the trembling picking up until Estella can't focus on anything else. I watch her jaw clench, her feathers softening slightly before she takes a step to the side. She cocks her head, signaling me to enter.

I want to move. Want to step forward into what is probably the safest place I could be because I wasn't underground anymore. Yet my feet stay glued to the floor. My entire body feels like the weight of this ship. My heart has yet to slow and I'm sure Estella can see the uncertainty oozing out of my body. But we both know that's not why I'm hesitating. It isn't caution that's holding me in one place. It's something close to fear. Something more than panic causing me to sweat through every pore of my body.

Estella grabs my arm, pulling me in and shutting the door behind us. She spins me in her room, my wild gaze trying to keep my focus on her face, but my breath starts to come out too fast. I can't seem to get enough air into my lungs. My knees aren't as strong as they were a moment ago. The scowl that was once painted on Estella's lips falls, her jade eyes searching me, her feathers entirely soft now. I open my mouth to say something, anything to her, but all I manage are gasps. My hand flies to my chest, gripping tightly like I'm trying to steady my erratic pulse by squeezing it. Though it does nothing, the panic only rising the more I stare at Estella. Her gaze is now worried, her jaw clenched too tightly to be comfortable.

I will my feet to move, my body to relax, but my skin is too tight, chest too caged and that's exactly what comes over me.

Entrapment.

My vision blurs, the walls closing in on me and Estella becoming nothing more than a misshapen image behind my tears. I open my mouth further, hoping this time my throat will produce something real. Nothing comes. Not even my wild inhales.