The Tearsmith

Lunar Eclipse

I looked at love, and was afraid.

His blood vessels and moles bloomed with roses,

like unfinished, unspoken sentences.

He was more me than I had ever been.

After that afternoon in the bathroom, Rigel did everything in his power to avoid crossing paths with me.

It wasn't that we shared all that many moments together, in truth, but those that we did withered away almost to nothing. It was typical of Rigel to be so distant and avoidant, silent, discreet and indifferent.

He avoided me during the daytime. In the mornings, he would make sure to leave before me.

Walking to school by myself, I remembered all the times in which I had walked a short distance behind him, never daring to be next to him.

I couldn't make sense of the feelings he provoked in me.

Wasn't this what I'd always wanted? For him to be far away from me?

Even when I'd arrived here, I wanted nothing more than for him to disappear.

I should have felt relieved. And yet...

The more his eyes evaded mine, the more I couldn't stop seeking them.

The more he ignored me, the more I couldn't help but constantly wonder why.

The more Rigel kept his distance...the more I felt the thread that bound us tensing, as if it was an extension of me.

That's how it was in that moment. I was walking down the landing, thinking about him. I had just got back from school, but as usual, I was lost in thought, cut off from the world, so I didn't immediately notice the floorboards creak. Then, I realised that the creaking was coming from the room nearest to me.

I momentarily put aside what was on my mind and my insatiable curiosity led me to poke my head around the door.

I froze in surprise.

'Asia?'

She turned around.

What was she doing there?

She was standing silently right in the middle of the room. She was holding a scarf I had seen her with before, but I didn't have the slightest idea what she was doing in our house. When had she got here?

'I didn't know you had dropped by,' I said, seeing as she didn't pay me any notice. Her gaze slid over the walls as if I wasn't there. 'What...what are you doing in Rigel's room?'

This was apparently the wrong thing to say. Her angry glare became as sharp as a thorn. I was forced to step aside as she walked past me without a word.

'Asia?' Anna called from the stairwell. 'Is everything all right? Have you found it?'

'Yes. I'd left it on the bench in your room. It was on the floor. Thanks for letting me check.' I followed her out of Rigel's room and onto the landing as she closed the door behind us. She waved the scarf then stuffed it in her bag.

Anna came up and brushed her arm with a smile that radiated a warmth destined just for her.

'It's no bother at all,' she was saying sweetly. 'You know you can come by any time you want. We're on your way to campus, come and drop in to say hello every now and then...'

For no apparent reason, insecurity clawed at my chest. I tried to subdue it, but it slithered through my heart, tainting everything with spite and wretchedness.

Suddenly, every detail seemed amplified to the utmost degree. Anna's gaze was shining when she spoke with her. Her fondness for this girl was deep and maternal.