Grasping at the Sun

7. How to Die Twice

 Ross wasn't excited for the school dance. Normally they hated these things too much to even risk going, but they found that Cinder's unshakable excitement about going with friends was difficult to deny, and so they let themself get dragged along.

 It rained that night. And rain meant it'd be darker. Faces flashed in their peripheral vision-- faces that weren't really there. The massive hole in their vision from the loss of their left eye caused them to struggle to breathe even with the cold, crisp night air. They couldn't see, and it bothered them. 

 Ross suspected Cinder didn't truly understand what they'd tried to say. But what use was it? They couldn't bring themself to speak, and they couldn't really argue against Cinder's kindness regardless of their stance against withholding information. Cinder had allowed them to remain silent, and they would accept it for the time being. 

 These thoughts swirled through their mind as they walked to the main hall, where the dance would be held. Their umbrella might as well have been a sheet of cheesecloth, because the howling wind blew it around enough that they were soaked regardless. 

 At least they were allowed their pocket knife. 

 It was the only thing that made them feel safe. 

 They stepped into the hall's foyer and wrung the water out of their short chestnut hair. Water made it seem messier and straighter than it already was. While thinking of this annoyance, their fingers snagged on their replacement earring, which was more formal. They weren't used to anything but the bronze mismatched studs, and the gold bejeweled chains just made their ears feel longer and more elegant. It normally garnered compliments, but it bothered them.

 They didn't want to be yet another gold-clad tyrant to rule the world.

 Stepping into the actual grand hall in the building, they were immediately bombarded with 5 different types of hell. The floor had been covered in a carpet so as to avoid damaging the parquet flooring of the hall with all the dancing, and the carpet's texture felt wrong against the soles of their shoes. The lights flashed and twinkled in billions of different hues, and the bass was turned up so loud that they could feel their teeth vibrate from it. They felt the salty aftertaste in their mouth so much clearer, and various types of perfume all mixed in the air to make a sickly-sweet smell that made them want to throw up. 

 They remembered why they didn't go to these things.

 Squinting, they scanned the room for Cinder and Linnea. Ross knew the two others would be there first; Ross practically dragged their feet along the cobbled path while being fully aware that Cinder would be sprinting as fast as she could. 

 The lighting changed to red just as they spotted the two. 

 Unsuspecting teens bumped into them as they tried to squeeze by the crowd, only furthering their overwhelm. They could feel the bumps on their shoulders even as they pulled away, like unsettling ghosts remaining stuck to their skin, resembling a barnacle on a whale. 

 These ghosts of hands on their arms pulled them back like chains, but they struggled against them regardless, desperate to say hello so they could make their departure seem sooner. They were told time flies when having fun, and their chance at having fun was their friends. 

 Even if they found it hard to say, they cared about Cinder and Linnea. Linnea and them had vaguely known each other in elementary school, and Cinder had finally brought them together. A safety rope of sorts. 

 They finally made it to the table where the two were sitting. 

 Cinder said something, but Ross couldn't hear it over the music and the ringing in their ears. But Cinder looked happy to see them, so they gave a small wave in return.

 They rested their head on the table in a vain attempt to clean their system of the overwhelm they experienced. 

 They couldn't really, so they just waved a hand dismissively for the two girls to go dance and have fun. They didn't want to ruin the others' good time. 

 As Cinder walked away, Ross noticed that she had earbuds in to drown out the excess noise. For once, Cinder was smarter than Ross was. 

 As the night went on, the dance floor gradually cleared up. Ross's "safe space" became less safe, as more people grew tired and moved to the tables around the edges of the hall. An unsettling feeling rose in their stomach, one they couldn't place the origin of. 

 And the girls danced on and on, and Ross watched, growing increasingly unsteady. They looked left, right, left, right. They looked to be having a lot of fun, and Ross really didn't want to bother them. 

 The night wore on. About half of the party had left, making the dance more bearable, though only slightly. The unsettling feeling only grew. 

 It must've been eleven --- an hour before the clock struck twelve and the dance ended --- when a silhouette danced against the floor, projected by the faint streams of moonlight trickling in from between dark clouds. 

 It was fast, just in the corners of Ross's vision.

 They felt as though their own guts would rip themselves apart. And they didn't know how to warn the others.

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