Two stories. Two persons. One destiny. And illusions.
When the two stories were been told together, go ahead and read it but keep asking yourself if you remember who was who when you had started?
Or had you fallen in the trap of illusion?
I woke up to three faces staring down at me. I growl from the ache in my head and whole body. And when I forced my eyes open completely, I saw them.
Ervin, Vanessa, Kaiser.
" Alessa, you can identify us, right? Right? " Vanessa interrogated me, closing up her face to mine.
I look around. I was inside my dorm room, on my bed, surrounded by my friends. And then, the memories of those events refreshes in my head and that's it. My face breaks. Ervin backs Vanessa away upon seeing my situation. I was obviously still not in the state of moving away from what happened a short time before.
I didn't see or heard what Ervin told them when Vanessa and Kaiser just got up and left from the room leaving Ervin alone behind. My hands came up to cover my face as tears again started flowing unstoppably from my eyes. I cried silently. My body was trembling from the grief.
" Rin— can you leave me alone, please. " my voice came hoarse.
" Stop chasing me away, Red. I'm not going to leave you alone anymore. I had followed behind you earlier because then also you just left like that, without giving me a chance to speak my feelings out. And you know, you are a very bad liar. "
" It was obvious on your face, in your body language, in your expression, that you.. " He trailed but he didn't need to complete that sentence for me to know what he was trying to tell me, because I already knew. I just didn't wanted to accept it that's why I ran away.
But right now, I don't even want to talk about that topic and Ervin understands that when he sighs deeply, " We should keep this topic on waiting for some other time. Right now, I just want to tell you that take as much time as you want to move on from all this, I'm right here for you. "
" You aren't alone in this, we're all here for you. We are friends and friends stay there for each other in hard times, so, don't push us away. We won't be going anywhere even if you do so. So, don't waste your energy pushing us away and use it for your recovery instead. "
My cries turned into strangled sobs. I want to die. I don't deserve to live when everyone else died. Even Alex—
I pressed my eyes tighter and sobbed harder.
And after that for many months, I was highly suicidal. Ellie and Ed came to visit me and they strongly insisted me to go back to their home for few weeks but I refused. I started going for counseling sessions but honestly it wasn't helping me as much as Ervin's presence was doing.
He spent most of the time and by most I mean almost 99% of the day he was there with me. Sometimes, I would start crying out of nowhere and he would soothe me and sometimes I would start talking about the pieces of the events randomly, still he would listen me out.
It was almost after seven months when I was finally able to talk about the past with Ervin. I told him everything with every single details. He was stunned and the heartbreaking expression he wore made my heart ache in pain. Everytime, I had cried, he had held me and cried silent tears that I was so ignorant to notice in the beginning but I knew when he said, " Every tear escaped from your eyes breaks my heart each time. Every time I see you crying, it feels like thousands of needles were pocked into my heart. " and then when I lifted my head and saw his face, there were tears on his cheeks, I knew I am in love with him. I can't escape that truth any longer.
That day finally, the words broke out through him. " That day, you told me, you're a disaster and you'll make my life one. You told me to find someone who'll give all the love of this world to me. And I'd followed behind you because I needed to tell you and let you know that I want your disaster in my life and about someone else, they are not you. Your disaster is better than anyone else's tranquility. It doesn't matter how much any other girl loves me, the place that you've taken in me is irreplaceable. And, i will never be able to give that place to someone else. "
" I love you. Red. " He finally breathes out.
" I know. "
He chuckles through his tears. " Of course you knew. It was obvious from my side and from your side too, atleast for me. " He says before he pulls me back into him and hugged me tightly. " But I will always respect whatever decision you take. I just only wanted you to know that— that I love you, Red. "
Maybe, maybe my life wasn't a punishment afterall.
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