if you had stuck around

It's been a year, Jesse realises, when he looks at the calendar that morning before he goes to school. It's been a year since Leslie died.

A year since she tried to enter Terabithia on her own without him and paid the price for it.

The thought still doesn't sit well with him, leaving his stomach churning both on the bus and in classes. Janice can see he's off, so can some of his other friends, but he stays quiet about it as, well, they just don't get it.

They never will get it.

The only person who maybe gets it is May-Belle, given she's now as big a part of Terabithia as Leslie was, but it's a different set of feelings that drag him through the mud and fog of the day. Ones he never got to express.

He may have only been 11 when Leslie came into his life, but that didn't mean he didn't know what love and crushes and all that mushy stuff was. Him having a crush on one of his teachers was proof enough. It was only after Leslie passed away did he realise the difference between those and what they really meant.

He'd loved Leslie. Sure, yeah, he loved his Mom, his Dad, his sisters, his friends - but the love he'd had for Leslie was like butterflies. Like drinking too much soda and having the bubbles fizz in your nose and your stomach. That was more than a crush.

It's only later on that day when everyone is finished dinner and in bed like he's supposed to be, does he sneak out to the river and cross it with his flashlight, staring up at the treehouse that's now less abandoned and covered with drawing and decorations thanks to May-Belle. It's more homely than it ever has been and Jesse, sitting there in the dark and cold, can almost close his eyes and see another world.

A world where Leslie never left.

He would be old, like as old as his father old and she would be like his mother kind of old, but still as pretty as he remembered her being. Not in a gross girl way, but the way that she was. Wearing jeans and sneakers, sitting at the table in their house, reading. He would reach behind her and fold his arms around her torso and rest his chin on her head, before they would both dissolve into giggles and she'd kiss his cheek before they got up and get their armour out of the cupboard.

Prince Terrien would have been there as well, still by their side as they charged out of their house, somewhere on a hill in Terabithia, off to fight the newest monster of the week and not have any care in the world. They would of course, win the fight and be back in time for dinner and to watch the sunset together before retiring to bed.

In reality, Jesse doesn't exactly know what might have happened. He knows that Leslie may have liked him back and she may have married him, one day, but he guessed that he would never truly know. He would have given her anything she wanted though. A house here in the woods like the treehouse, enough dogs to overrun her bedroom, enough pictures and sketches to stack to her ceiling ten times over. He would have given her his heart to, had she asked for it.

They would have been happy, so very happy.

Hopping back over the stones as daylight started to filter though on the horizon, he swore as he looked back one last time he could still see her, smiling and saving at him beige what takes off, disappearing into the trees. It makes his heart ache, but soon, he smiles and runs his own way back into the house before he's caught.

By the next day, there's a bouquet of cornflowers sitting in a nearby tree hollow with a picture of two adults standing side by side looking out at Terabithia holding hands taped to it, flapping in the wind, a few words scribbled on the bottom.

"To Leslie, with all my love, Jesse. I miss you."