Take My Heart... (Radiosilence, Human Au)

A Morning For Mourning

I awoke feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My head was practically spinning with guilt and some form of...fear? Maybe.

The bed was warm, warmer than it was the night before, I felt trapped in its embrace, not ever wanting to leave his bed,

But he was gone from it, so, I went to find him.

Sitting up having the bed creak loudly just as it did when I resorted to the tactics of tossing and turning to substitute for sleep.

I stepped off the bed and --carefully-- oh so carefully tiptoed outside the bedroom to the kitchen.

He was cooking, it smelled good whatever it was, smoothly, he diced two onions a green one and a white one taking his time on each.

I walked up beside him, deciding that this was as good a chance as any to try and hint at wanting him in ways much less platonic than what I was guessing he'd gathered up on, and I hugged him, it probably wasn't a good idea in hind sight. He was armed, and I knew more than anyone that he was dangerous.

Though, I'd gotten far enough down this rabbithole that I could only sink further.

Al paused, cought off guard that was for certain, but I didn't let go, I couldn't bring myself to it, I'd finally gotten exactly what I'd been hunting for, him in my arms, it was more than a craving, it was an appetency beyond endurance.

I wanted more. I couldn't control it. I didn't think I was even physically able to let go, I kept squeezing him tighter and tighter until a blade crashed down on my wrist...

I paused.

This fucker...

Of course he would pull something like this, when I tried to show him just how much I loved him.

I loosened my arms watching the blood drip onto the floor.

It still felt nice, but it wasn't the time nor the place for his defiance.

"Looking is fine my dear, but my hands are busy at the moment~"

His voice was aching with reason.

I took a deep breath, but I still hadn't let him go,

I felt better. It was all fine, just a little overreaction.

I took my hands off him with a heavy heart, annoyance still ringing bells in my ears, but he'd made himself more than clear that he was busy and uninterested.

I sat down on the couch, watching him cook for a while before kicking back and opening up a book, a poetry book to be clear.

I wrote poetry many, many times, but I never understood the boring literature of others who dabbled in creating it.

I found it unrelatable at the least and uninteresting at most.

My writing was messy and frantic, and hopeful, even.

The words that went through my mind every hour of every day were aggressive scribbles on the paper if I ever tried to spit them out into the form of words.

However, when I managed to get this emotion out onto paper, however amazing, however vile, it'd be placed on Al's doorstep, anonymously, of course.

I did end up cracking open the book and reading for a while. It was alright. Better than I'd remembered anyways.

Eventually, Alastor called for me and sat me down in front of a plate. It looked wonderful, but it gave me this uneasy sort of feeling...

Oh well, I'd eat it anyway.

͝ ⏝𝅄︶ ͝ ⏝ ⊹ ⏝ ͝ ︶𝅄⏝ ͝ ͝ ⏝𝅄︶ ͝

HELLOOO WHAT IS UP, WOW THIS WEEK HAS BEEN WILD AS FUCK FOR ME YALL (IM OKAY THOUGH)!!!!

IM TRYING TO WORK ON LONGER CHAPTERS IM SORRY YALL THIS WEEKS WAS RUSHED. ALSO SORRY IF THE CHAPTER FEELS ICKY AT ALL ITS NOT MY BEST WORK SADLY.

IM SO PROUD OF YOU ALL FOR EVEN JUST EXISTING, KEEP GOING YOU GOT THIS!!! TRY TO EAT AND DRINK SOME WATER FOR ME (you don't have to of course) BUT MOST OF ALL HAVE A LOVELY DAY/NIGHT!!!!

(Ps vox was such a bitch this chapter wtf, I'm a fan of poetry HE SHOULD NOT BE SHITTING ON POETS LIKE THAT!)