Clandestine

Chapter Two

Our "almost" will always haunt me. All the what-ifs and could-have-beens will always be a nightmare to me. I will dream of you more than the reality of being with you.

Those days and nights we spent are chapters that I cannot stop writing. My heart is beating, my breath gets shaky, and my eyes are dry, but my soul is tired. My brain shut. It is broken like an old recording, playing repeatedly in my mind. Our memories—our "almost—were haunting me.

I want to rest in your arms, but...

I can't touch you.

I will burn myself.

I can no longer hug you.

I will never let you go.

I can't kiss you anymore.

I would ask for more.

I want to sleep next to you.

I'll wish I would never wake up.

I care for you.

I wasn't the person you wanted to take care of you.

I always think of you.

You are thinking with someone who I wasn't.

I love you.

I wasn't enough for you.

I miss you.

I won't come back to you.

I am wounded because I am trying to heal you. I got lost in search of you. My tears run dry trying to wipe yours. I'm now empty, trying to fill the void in you. I lost you, and I lost myself.

I love you.

But I need to love myself more.

I miss you.

But I miss myself too.

I care for you.

But I need to take care of myself too.

I can no longer get you back.

But I will make sure to get myself back.