The Chef's Sick Mate (Book 17 of the Regal Eclipse Pack Series)

Chapter 5

Three Weeks After The Plane Crash

She was waiting to die.

But then, wasn't everyone? Most people just weren't as focused on it as she was. When you lived a life as mundane and painful as hers, dying was the ultimate goal. But for some odd reason, her body had decided to stubbornly hold on. For twenty-four freaking years. It was rather annoying.

She hadn't expected it. She'd never thought she'd live this long, but here she was. Still alive and kicking. Still hanging in there. Sort of.

But the years hadn't been kind to her. She was sick more often than not, and spent more time in the hospital than out of it.  She was a burden for her family; she was well aware of that fact. She knew the hospital bills were ridiculous. Her mother worked more than she should have to, and Gen hated the fact that she was unable to do so herself. Her body couldn't handle it though.

Thoughts of suicide occasionally entered her mind, though she really wasn't suicidal. She knew that if she did something like that, it would hurt those she left behind. It would make life easier on them, but she knew if they had a choice, they'd always pick her. And so, she dealt with it.

But her life hadn't changed much over the years, even though she had gotten older. She still was almost always in the hospital or at home. She never went anywhere, she didn't have any friends. She just made a point to go outside more often since she'd gotten older, something her mother fretted about quite a bit, but Gen didn't care. "I like going outside. I need it. I need to feel the sun on my skin, the breeze. I never go anywhere. Let me have this one bit of freedom."

Her mother had looked pained, but she had finally agreed. Not that Gen wasn't an adult and would do it anyway. She didn't care anymore. Sometimes she thought about going out every day. To the mall, or even the grocery store. Maybe then she'd catch something that her immune system couldn't handle. Though she really didn't want to end up in the hospital again. She despised that place. It would be easier for everyone if she just died peacefully in her sleep at home. She just hated the fact that it would be her mother who found her. Though Gen had a feeling that Melissa half expected it to happen one day anyway.

They all did. It was just a matter of when. Hopefully before her next hospital stint. She never wanted to go there again and wouldn't if she had her own way.

The ringing phone pulled Gen out of her thoughts, and she reached over and grabbed it, glancing at the screen. Her father. The one person who could always cheer her up when she was having a crappy day. "Hi Daddy."

"Hi! Are you able to have dinner with me, Gennybug?" Coleman asked her, his tone light like usual.

Gen glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed softly. She really needed a nap, but if her father was off, she'd see him. She'd always make time for him. He came every week on one of his days off to have dinner with her. "Mom won't be home until later tonight from work, so I'm just sitting here by myself."

"Okay." His tone changed a bit. "Are you sure though? I don't want to tire you out too much. How are you feeling today?"

Gen could hear the underlying worry. But she was always tired. From shortly after she woke up until the time she went to bed she was worn out like she'd ran a marathon. Everything was a chore anymore and wore her out. She was constantly tired. She knew her time left on this earth was short. Her body was giving out on her. She was pretty sure she wouldn't make it to her twenty-fifth birthday. The fact that she'd lived this long was a miracle, though that depended on who you asked. She didn't feel like it was. But she also knew she wouldn't get very many more visits with Coleman. "Yeah, I'm sure. I'll take a nap after your visit." She'd need one, as much as she hated to admit it. Just sitting up, eating dinner and carrying on conversation would wear her out.

He was quiet for a moment. "Okay. I'll be there in an hour. Maybe take a nap before I come too. At least rest some."

Not a bad idea. "Alright Daddy. I will. I'll see you soon."

"Bye Gennybug."

Gen disconnected the call and sat her phone down on the nightstand, then settled down in the bed herself. A nap would be welcome right now. She snuggled under her favorite purple blanket she'd had for almost twenty years now and closed her eyes, letting the darkness welcome her. 

The blanket was worn thin, but she just couldn't seem to let it go. It didn't keep her warm, but she didn't care. It was a comfort to her, and anymore she'd take whatever comfort she could find. The familiar was the best thing ever when you hurt.

Gen was in constant pain anymore. The disease that had corrupted her from the time she was a small child had ravished her body. She was skin and bones, and she always had been. She was barely over five feet tall, and had always been on the small side. It was only a matter of time until she'd be able to stop suffering. Until death would welcome her and she'd welcome it. Her suffering could come to an end.

Gen had no idea if her family was aware of how close she was to death or not. She'd never said a word, but each of them handled her illness in their own way and always had. She knew that they all knew the truth, knew what the doctors thought.

The last time she'd seen her doctor, she'd told him straight out that she wanted him to be completely honest with her. "I've been at this for so long already. They've been telling me I was going to die since I was eight years old."

"A doctor told you that at the age of eight?" He'd seemed rather shocked.

She rolled her eyes at him. "No, but he pretty much told me parents that. I think he thought he was being cryptic for an eight year old. He wasn't."

He'd smiled at that, shaking his head. He told her he was amazed that she was still alive after reviewing her medical history. But he'd also told her that her heart was very weak and would probably eventually give out. He told her she wouldn't make it until the age of thirty. He'd been completely honest with her, which she appreciated. But Gen hadn't told him that she disagreed. She wouldn't make it to twenty-five.

Her sister, Ana, now a detective, was always optimistic and cheery with her on the phone. Ana was busy, usually working a case, but she always made time for Gen, calling her to chat frequently even when Gen knew she was very busy. They'd remained close down through the years, even though Ana now lived two hours away in St. Louis.

Gen sighed. She wished she could move. She'd lived in this same house her entire life. She'd die in this house. She was under no illusions that it would ever change. And she definitely didn't want to die in the hospital. That was her biggest thing. She'd told her father, mother and sister all three that. If she was in the hospital and they thought she was about to die, they needed to bring her home if they were able to. She wanted to die in the house. She'd promised not to haunt them.

Her mother, Melissa, pretended that nothing was wrong. She worked evenings, and hated to leave Gen alone, but Gen knew she couldn't be there every moment of the day. And since she was an adult, she really was fine by herself, though sometimes she was fairly certain her mother had forgotten that. To Melissa, Gen would always be her little girl. Gen knew how to get help if she needed it, and in all reality, her father wasn't that far away. At worse, she'd call 911.