Gold Crest: The Secret and The Bet

Chapter 11

Hyunjin walked onto the terrace of Seungmin's room. From the amount of time he had been to Seungmin's place, it felt like it was his own.

He let out a lifeless sigh as he rested his hands on the cold metal railings, looking down at the beautiful green garden with hints of pink, blue and lavender. The cool breeze of the late evening wind blew against his face, making his hair fly slightly.

He looked up from the garden and into the view of the city buildings which were slowly beginning to flicker on lights through the windows. There was a time when doing something as simple as this, gazing into a beautiful view would make him feel happy. Put him at peace with a smile on his face.

He looked forward, blinking, just like he did when he was young but this time, he felt nothing. His face was emotionless and his figure numb. He didn't feel as if he were a human. He couldn't even find a way of forcing a smile on his face or at least try to find some peace.

Only one thing swirled in his mind. Just like all the time. There was only one thing he wanted to feel right now. Whether it was from him or anyone else.

Pain.

He wanted to hurt. More physically than emotionally. He closed his eyes as he tried to imagine the feeling of grabbing anything sharp or pointed and running it through the skin of arms, tearing it apart to draw out blood. He imagined the relief of feeling and seeing the blood, his blood running out of the wounds and down his arms. Just the thought of that put him at peace, real peace. He opened his eyes again as he looked down at his hands hidden in the silky black gloves. If only it didn't leave marks.

Hyunjin deserved to lose every single drop of blood that fell out of his wounds. He deserved the pain and he knew it. He deserved to hurt after he has hurt people who didn't deserve it.

A shaky breath escaped his throat as he remembered the day Felix cried to him. Hyunjin had never been ready for something like that. Felix was hurt because of him. He cried because of him.

Hyunjin was the one who caused him pain. Just like he had been causing pain to his father ever since he was born.

He was like the devil. Hurting people just by existing.

His gaze wandered to the garden again.

What if he ended it right now? The terrace was 5 storeys off the ground. If he jumped there was no way he would survive.

His grip tightened on the railings and despite the gloves, he could feel his knuckles turn white.

"Hyung?"

Hyunjin looked up, turning around to see Seungmin walking on the terrace. He seemed to be in his usual cheerful self but his expressions changed into one of worry as he made eye contact with Hyunjin.

Seungmin's eyes darted to Hyunjin's hands on the railings and then to his face. There was some sort of horror written over the Hyunjin's face. As if Seungmin had just discovered something he shouldn't have.

"What are you doing?"

Hyunjin didn't answer. His eyes and facial expressions, with one blink, went back to their cold, expressionless self. Without uttering a single word, he turned his gaze away from Seungmin and forward, though there was nothing special for him to look at.

Hyunjin flinched as he felt Seungmin's hand on his shoulder, making Seungmin withdraw it immediately. "Sorry."

"Don't be." Hyunjin muttered, quietly.

Seungmin stood beside him. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm fine."

"We've been friends for over 5 years. Don't think I can't tell if something is wrong with you." Seungmin said, rather sternly. "You weren't thinking of jumping, were you?"

Hyunjin just stayed quiet, looking away from him.