The Secret Files

My Ex and I (4)

My Ex and I (4)

'Vienna'

I've never imagined myself in a situation where my ex-girlfriend and I would be stuck in the same room together, with the air-conditioning unit on full blast. I was sweating like crazy and cussing to myself because of all the heat I was experiencing in that given moment. My ex is Sam. We have been together since high school. Sam has always been the shy, observant, and tomboyish student who has had a lot of things going on inside her mind. And that's what made me attracted to her immediately.

This led me to conclusion that it wasn't an entirely great idea for us to sleep next to each other when we both know that the intensity and the Earth-shattering magnitude of our connection and bond was something that both of us have trouble ignoring for how long it has been going around.

"Vienna," I heard Sam say my name. I didn't flinch. I turned around to face her. We were resting on our sides, our faces far apart, and our bodies even more far apart from each other. "Don't you think we should be somewhere else?"

"Like where, specifically?" I asked. It wasn't sinking in just yet. All my feelings and emotions were intertwined in ways I wasn't really expecting them to intertwine with one another.

She sighed and took some time to respond, "You've always been the same person. Glad to know that I'm not completely all by myself."

"Sam, don't play games with me," was all I could say to her face. "You're an exceptional heart breaker, and you know that."

"I didn't break your heart," she said, her voice sounding like it had gone down with each passing time. "I mean, fuck me. I've done so many terrible things that I've gradually lost count of them."

For a moment, I decided to do the unthinkable: I leaned in a little bit too close for my own liking and steadily went in to kiss her. She looked like she had seen a ghost from her peripheral vision. Her eyes were already telling whatever I needed to know about the way she's feeling on the inside.

She eagerly went in and kissed me deeper than I could've ever imagined. It took every single fiber of my well-being not to grab her by the hair as if it was all through natural instincts and motives that I was able to seemingly do things on my own without being righteously provoked at any given time frame. Our kisses got further down past the lips. All of our emotions were messed up, but all we can ever dream about is touching  each other and feeling each other down there without being tied down by handcuffs and ropes as if they're restraining us from doing further movements.

"Vienna..." I heard her say my name again. "I never knew that I actually needed you this much. And I fucking hate you for doing this to me."

We continued kissing and feeling each other with our clothes on and it was a signal for me to continue on with our abrupt and telepathic form of communication that only ever exists in the depths of what would be commonly known as our minds. It didn't take me a while to start dreaming of all the other places we could be at, apart from this tiny place that only ever has space for unspoken truths, universal pain, and unspoken and unwanted misery and longing and continuous string of love, care, and affection that both of us have to actively come to terms with.

"I fucking love you and you know that," I told her. It was earnest. It was warm. It was everything that I needed to tell her. And most of it all, it was the truth that I needed to tell her.

"I love you, too. I have, and I always will," she said in response. Little did I know it would have me tangled in knots and pieces of me would slowly evaporate into thin air as if I had been struck down with a case of the fictional and intoxicating love fever as some people would likely experience in this type of scenario.

Vienna and Sam had a lot of love to share with people. This is their story worth telling to other people from different generations who have most likely experienced the highs and lows of falling in and out of love with the person they've held close to their hearts.