Writings

Forget Me Not

I was sixteen when the doctors told me I had cancer.

Osteosarcoma, which would explain my leg cramps and the swelling of my bones.

"Lucy, do you understand the severity of this situation?" Doctor Blackman asks. His glasses were at the top of his nose, and he cocked his head at an angle whenever he was talking to patients.

I nodded, although no, I didn't. "Yeah, of course. You're going to start me on chemo right? My nana had cancer. But she beat it."

Doctor Blackman sighed and looks over to my mother, who is sitting straight and not moving. Her face looks very sullen.

"Sweetheart, they're going to have to remove your legs."

Once the last word leaves my mother's mouth, it sinks in. My legs, that give me the ability to run, walk, jump, and just move, they're going to be gone.

"How long?" My father's voice squeaks out from the other chair beside my mother.

"We're looking at a five to ten year life expectancy. That is, if the cancer doesn't spread."

Tears are falling out of my eyes and suddenly I don't want to be here anymore. I stand up from the hard plastic blue chair and run out of the hospital.

I keep running, unshed tears blocking my vision. I'd be nothing more than a cripple without my legs.

I find myself at a church. When I was a kid, we used to attend pretty regularly. But as I got older and we moved to the other side of Colorado, we stopped going.

I didn't feel like talking to God. It wasn't worth it. He wouldn't send me a miracle. Nothing could save my legs. Not even surgery.

One day I'd be six feet in the ground. And my parents wouldn't have me around anymore. They would have nothing to live for anymore.

So I sat down in a pew towards the back. I kept my head bowed, but never closed my eyes. Tears fell onto my jeans but I didn't bother wiping them away.

I start tenth grade tomorrow. How will I ever go to school without legs? I'd be in a wheelchair. Kids would make fun of me.

As I start to leave, a boy comes into the chapel from a door next to the piano. He's setting up hymnals in every pew.

"Hey, you shouldn't be here," he says.

I scrunch my face up in confusion so he clears his throat and clarifies. "It's after hours. I'm supposed to be locking up."

"That's fine, I was just leaving anyway. Have a nice night." I sling my backpack on my back and start to head out the door.

"Wait!" He calls. I look back at him. He has blonde hair and I tell his eyes are blue.

"I was going to add, church is here from eight a.m. to eleven tomorrow. Maybe I'll see you here?" He asks.

I think about it for a moment. I rationalize that it couldn't hurt; I'm dying anyway.

"Sure. As long as you don't make me introduce myself," I say.

He smiles. "No, I wouldn't do that to you. My dad's the pastor. He's chill. Maybe you could sit with me tomorrow? I usually sit alone."

"Sure," I say again and we tell each other goodbye before I head home.

Now I'm going to have to sneak off in the morning before my parents wake up. But that's okay, I wouldn't want him to meet my parents this soon.

But he invited me to his dad's church... it's not a date, Lucy. I smile to myself and head to bed.

Years went by, and the boy and I hung out more. We became inseparable. I couldn't imagine life without him.

His name was Elijah Wesley, or Eli for short. We became fast friends and when I eventually had my legs removed, he and my parents were beside me. They all helped me feel confident in my skin again, even if I was in a wheelchair.

We got married after my twenty-second birthday. I had our son, Zander, by my twenty-fifth birthday.

Life was great. My parents loved spending time with their grandson and Eli became CEO of his car company.

I got a job waiting tables at a local cafe, and on the days Zander didn't have school, he'd help out in the kitchen by cleaning the dishes, and taking out the trash.

Life was great. Nothing could go wrong.

On my thirty-fifth birthday, the cancer came back. I'd been cancer free and out of remission for twelve years now. Eli handed the role of CEO to his best employee and became a stay at home dad so he could take care of me.

thirty-two tumors were found all over my body. I stopped eating. We stopped attending church. Eli's dad came over to the house to begin funeral arrangements.

I had lived more years than the doctor had predicted.

After a while, I stopped treatments. I didn't let visitors over to the house. My parents were confused as to why I was shutting everyone out.

Only Eli understood. He knew me best. He took care of me and put our son to bed and got him up for school. He did everything that I as the wife and mother was supposed to do.

Zander began sleeping in our bed with us. He was now ten years old. He'd be in middle school soon.

"I'm dying," I told Eli one night. Zander was fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

Eli kissed my head and rubbed my back. "I know," he said. He smiled at me but his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"I'm scared." Tears fell from my eyes and I let out a long breathy sigh.

"We'll be okay, Lucy," Eli said.

"But Zander won't have a mom anymore." I looked at him and my heart broke.

My son was only ten. He needed a mom. And I wouldn't be around for much longer.

"Promise me, when I die, that you'll meet somebody new." I said after a while.

Eli nodded but his chin trembled. "I'm afraid I wouldn't love anyone else the way I love you."

"You have to promise me. This is for Zander's sake."

Eli sighed before speaking. "I promise, Lucy. Now let's go to sleep."

A year after I died, Eli took over the church from his dad and Zander's job was inviting kids from his school to come.

One sunny afternoon, a woman came through the door, sobbing. She explained to Eli how her father had just passed away and she needed to go somewhere where she knew she wasn't alone.

Eli sat with her and had prayer with her. He then invited her to supper with him and Zander.

"I have a son too. His name is Derek, and he's four. I just got out of an abusive relationship a few weeks ago."

Every Saturday evening, the woman and her son came over to Eli's house for supper.

Eventually, they began dating and then they got married.

Eli sat in front of my grave the day after his honeymoon. His new wife, Scarlett, was at work.

"I promised you, Lucy, that I would find Zander a mom." Eli said. He wiped falling tears from his face and smiled.

"I miss you, so much. I kept my other promise too. I won't love anyone else the way I love you."

He then left, leaving a Forget Me Not flower by my headstone.