Writings

Untitled

The year was 2234. The old ways of the human race had been wiped out, only the superior remained.

I was "born" into a society where men were cast out and sent to live in the land beyond our city, Desertion. They lived in the outer lands.

I came from a lab, ie, a science experiment, or in other words, I was a test tube baby.

I never knew my father. My mother was a member of the high council. And, in our society, male children were to be discarded into the land beyond, to live off scraps and the fish of the sea.

Love was the law. ("Love between a mother and her daughter(s), not men")

Religion was taught. ("Mary was the greatest of all Godly women. She carried the greatest gift of all and gave him up to save us all.")

Male children were trash in society. They were disposed to the outer lands.

So why, oh why, was I sobbing as I held him, this beautiful creature, in my arms?

Mother was asleep in her room in the apartments. For once, the city was silent, and a small and meekly cry filled the autumn air.

I sniffled as he gripped onto my finger, holding him close to my chest. I kissed his head and willed to a supreme being that I would do anything asked of me if it meant I could keep him.

The words of my mother echoed in my mind as I held my minutes old son in my arms, my body exhausted from labor.

"Catrina, men are worthless animals to society. That's why they're discarded. Do me a favor and never get involved with any one of them. You might as well not be my daughter anymore."

He squirmed in my arms and I stiffled a sob. The hardest thing I would have to do was let him go.
I loved him. I loved him all these months I carried him in secret. My body changed, expanded, to grow such a beautiful thing. The hardest part would be saying goodbye. That would break me.

I didn't even know his father all that well. He was my age, sixteen, and lived in the outer lands.

It had only been a few nights really, that I snuck away and went to him. He provided comfort and gave me a sense of belonging I so desperately wanted.

And as the weeks passed, he left me with another thing: a baby.

We learn in school of the human race, the old ways of it anyway, and how things were different back then.

Men and Women co-existed, brought children into the world naturally, and were good to each other. There was no disposing of. The men and women worked jobs, cared for their children equally, and gave back to the world what they'd taken.

Now, the men were the trash. They weren't needed, or weren't appreciated for who they were.

I told him he was appreciated. He smiled and said he'd see me again soon. But then the doctors came to my apartment. He had drowned in the sea. He was gone forever.

My eyes fill heavy with exhaustion as the air grows thin and chilly. The baby cries, wanting warmth. I wrap my cardigan around his little body, kissing his head gently.

I can't sleep in the road tonight. I have to find shelter, and then a way to hide him. Society would just toss him away. He's too young. He's completely dependent on his mother. And I want him. It's the last bit I have left of his father.

I cried for days after he died. I was a mess, and Mother was angry that I'd broken the law.

"Catrina, you could be imprisoned. My daughter! You should be ashamed, you filthy creature!"

Mother never knew the love of a man. But I did. If only for a few nights, just until the sun started rising. Then I'd sneak back to the city, dress into my school uniform and head to study hall, where other girls were waiting for me to arrive to begin the lesson.

With all the courage left in me, I walked to a vacant cellar. The lamp in the cellar told me there was a small bed and a dresser.

I wrapped him tightly in the cardigan and placed him in the dresser, staring at him, wishing him to stay with me always, before I went to bed.

The next morning was when he was discovered.

Mother was angry, disgusted. She sent me away to the doctors for a checkup and when I came back, he was gone.

"Where's the baby?" Tears marked my face as I faced the one woman I could barely stand.

"I sold him away. He's headed to the outer lands. He will go to a farmer there. He'll make a nice shepherd boy."

I shouted at her, telling her how much I despised her, telling her what I thought of this perfect society with these perfect rules.

I was imprisoned.

In the morning, I was sent to the outer lands.

I searched everywhere for my baby. I wanted him. He was probably scared and cold and hungry.

My body ached for my baby. My heart stung at the thought of something bad happening to him.

Fishermen pointed me in the direction of the cottage on the hill. And there, warm in a little cradle made out of wood and straw, lay my baby.

He cooed ever so slightly in his sleep as I picked him up, apologizing and crying.

The farmer smiled. "He's my grandson."

That made me cry harder. Here I was standing in the farmer's kitchen, clutching my baby, and staring at the farmer. His eyes were blue and his hair gray.

"His father's name was Alexander. He was a shopkeeper here, managed the rabbits. He often talked about you. Why, he also told falsehoods. But he was telling the truth when he said you're the prettiest thing to exist."

I smiled at him and looked down at the baby.

Love was not the law. The law could be changed. Love was not throwing people out based on gender. Love was not selling babies because they weren't girls. Love was not being mean to your own flesh and blood just because you're unhappy with how your life turned out.

It was the year 2234 that I learned what love truly was. In the form of a baby boy named Alexander after his father, my heart began to love. And somehow, the sun shone brighter than ever before.