Hey, this isn't really a poem but just something I needed to get off my chest because it's getting worst nowadays. I've never told anyone about this, I don't think I will ever say it out loud either. This not for your liking or pity, but writing is my therapy so yeah... Probably will chicken out and delete this later but...
____________________________
Why do I still love you
At the end of the day?
Although, I have every right
To hate you.
You were supposed
To kiss my boo-boos
To make them feel better.
You were supposed
To shower me with kisses
And comfort me
When I'm down.
Instead...
You tell me how much
of a failure I am very often.
Nothing I do will
Ever be enough.
It's fine...
I'm starting to learn
That what you think doesn't matter.
I just have to be good enough to myself.
My nickname has never been princess, cupcake or sweetie. Rather it's always been
pig, dog, cow
And many more
That I wouldn't repeat.
You yell every time you
Open your mouth,
Don't you know I'm not deaf?
You threaten
To slap me,
To throw me against
every wall in the house.
You threaten to beat me
Until I bleed
Until I crack my head open.
You give me panic attacks
Whenever you're around.
No one
Would ever believe
Any of this happens
Because you put
On a show out in the real world.
I'm tired of telling lies
About how you really are.
I ignore it all,
Pretend like everything
Is okay.
Yet you keep egging on
Making me want to
Slash my wrists
To oblivion.
I think it's sort
Of an excessive power hunger,
The need to be in control.
It could be the adrenaline rush
You get in degrading others
To feel like top dog.
At the end of the day
You apologize
And I fall for it.
You try to be a normal person,
Fill up my wallet,
To make it all "better."
Though the next day
The cycle begins again.
"Bad habits die hard."
You try to justify everything
That happened before.
Are you really that sick
To think that you have any right To mentally
Abuse your own kin.
You've tried to convince me my whole life that you're just trying to educate us to be somebody tomorrow. All you've really taught is what not to be.
Despite all of this,
I will scream from the rooftops
"I love you!"
Because I'm a good fucking person.
I don't want to get even...
"An eye for an eye
Only leaves the whole world blind"
I don't think I could ever
Intentionally make someone
Miserable like you have,
Even if it's you.
I know that deep down
you don't know what you're doing. Or maybe you do,
but you just keep choosing to do
the wrong thing.
Either way,
I'll keep forgiving
But I stopped forgetting
Long ago.
YOU ARE READING
Unleashed Silence
PoetryI could fill a thousand pages telling you how I feel and you still wouldn't understand. In fact I don't even understand but I fear of drowning in the words left unsaid.
