it's never enough

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tw: mentions of suicide, eating disorders, self-harm, panic attacks, etc

for reference sadie is taylor's younger half sister from scott's second marriage. scott and andrea divorced, scott remarried. taylor lives with scott full time. both taylor and travis are 17 and in high school. 

Taylor's POV

"Can I ask one thing?" I ask. It was a dragged out night. Forcing that I'm fine, pretending I'm enjoying the night. It was exhausting. I went to this concert for Sadie. She really liked the artist so I pretended to like them so she could go and get tickets.

"What is it Taylor?" My dad replied, annoyed. I knew where this was going. If I say what I wanted to say he would get mad, if I tried to brush it off and say nevermind he would still get mad. In both worlds I wouldn't win. 

"I thought we said Sadie didn't have to be forced to go out with my friends. Like with the cousins I get." I slowly say, fiddling with my jacket in my hands.

"I knew it." He snapped. "I knew you were pissed off when I asked you to take your sister." He pauses. "You know what keep her home."

"Stop. She wants to come. She told me she was excited." I lie. It was the only way to keep him from getting more mad at me. 

"I do anything you ask and the one thing I ask from you is to have a better relationship with your sister. And it's like you resent it. Do you think that's fair?" 

"No." I sigh, on the brinks of tears.

"Go to bed."

I simply run off to my bedroom. Feeling my chest tighten with every breath and every step I take. When I got to my room, I gently shut my door and place down my charger and jacket. I turn my blinds shut and get into my bed not caring I was still in my outfit or shoes, curling into as small as I can make myself and I sob. Sob. It's been building up. But I didn't care. I wanted everything to end. I wanted to make things end. I couldn't keep doing it anymore. No matter what I do it will never be enough for anyone. No matter what. It was always a game to get someone to pay attention to me. The only person who would even give a thought about me was Travis. 

Travis is my next door neighbor since childhood. We both grew up together and were best friends. But during our freshmen year, we both realized we had deeper feelings for each other so we decided to take things more serious and be official boyfriend girlfriend status. We have together for 1,006 days. Our three year anniversary was coming up on my 18th birthday. He asked me to be his girlfriend on my 15th birthday. He is truly my reason to keep going. Travis knew all about my home life and how it wasn't always the greatest. On the outside it looked wonderful. Wonderful house, family, no financial troubles but if someone were to really look, they would be able to see the cracks. 

As I get ready for 'bed' because no way in hell am I sleeping, I feel my phone vibrate. 

Yeti Bear: You closed your blinds. 

Tayprincess: And? I'm going to bed. 

Yeti Bear: You always send a good night message or call before you close your blinds. It's what we always did. What's going on baby?

Tayprincess: I'm fine. Go to bed it's late. 

He reads the message. As I'm about toss my phone I see an incoming call from Travis. As much as I want to ignore him and the rest of the world, he won't stop. If I don't answer, he'll show up to my house demanding answers just because he cares and I can't blame him. So I grudgingly answer about to put the fake act up again.

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