I THINK I DID IT

CHAPTER 2

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was the empty space next to me. Maya was gone. I glanced at the clock—10 a.m. I sighed and maneuvered myself to the edge of the bed, pulling my wheelchair closer. Once seated, I wheeled myself to the top of the staircase, knowing I couldn't make it down on my own.

"Maya?" I called.

"I'm coming, Maxine," she answered, her voice floating up from downstairs. Within moments, she appeared, ready to help me navigate the stairs.

Once downstairs, Maya placed a plate in front of me. "Okeydokey, here's your pancakes with milk tea," she said cheerfully.

"Aren't you going to work?" I asked, taking a sip of the warm tea.

"You really don't want me here, do you?" she teased, but I could see a flicker of concern in her eyes.

"It was just a harmless question," I replied. I cut into the pancakes, and as I took a bite, memories flooded back. I could almost hear the music Maya used to put on when we were kids, making pancakes while Mom was out. The smell of syrup, the laughter we shared—it all seemed so vivid for a moment.

"What's with the smile?" Maya asked, raising an eyebrow. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

I hadn't realized I was smiling. "Oh, nothing," I said, shaking my head.

"Are you sure? Your cheeks are turning bright red." She smirked.

"Really, it's nothing," I insisted.

Maya sat down across from me, her gaze softening. "Max, I'll be leaving soon."

"When?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Tomorrow." Her answer hung in the air for a moment, and I didn't know how to respond.

Maya broke the silence. "Promise me something—don't overdose on your meds again, okay? I want you to be healthy. I need you to be healthy." Her words were filled with genuine concern, but there was something else too, something unsaid that weighed heavily on her mind.

I didn't push her to talk about it. I knew Maya well enough to understand she needed time to process whatever it was. And I didn't want to be a burden to her, not when she had so much ahead of her. She didn't deserve to carry the weight of my struggles, my pain, my brokenness. Let her soar, I thought to myself. Let her live a life free from the chaos I've created for myself.

Maya got up, her movements quick and efficient. "I'll clean up. Just leave your plate here," she said, smiling again.

"Thanks," I mumbled. I wheeled myself into the living room, but once there, I stood from the chair and moved over to the couch. I knew I could walk now, but Maya was always so cautious with me. She just didn't realize what was really going on inside my head.

I switched on the TV. The news channel flickered to life, but I wasn't paying attention. My mind was elsewhere. Maya walked in, grabbing her bag from the chair beside me.

"I'm heading to the supermarket. We're out of salt, sugar, and a bunch of other things. I'll be back soon," she said, her voice light but hurried.

Do I want Maya to leave? Am I over exaggerating my condition? Can anyone relate to what's happening in my life? The answer yo every question is "I don't know" or, "I'm not sure". But when will I finally know? Or be sure if anything?

"Bye", Maya said as she stepped out the door.

I stared blankly at the TV, my mind wandering. I tried not to think about Jessi, but it wasn't working. Without realizing it, I had started peeling the skin off my index finger. Now there was blood. Of course, I thought. Why me?