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Damn, what is love? The benefits of love, what actually keeps the healthy human being going. Everyone yearns for love. Nobody can convince me otherwise.
But then there's people like me. People who want to receive love. People who want to give love but, the person who is also so guarded that they are scared.
They are scared of love at the same time so they run and hide. Throw rocks and hide their hands.
Or they just wait until it benefits them. I'm sadly that person. I love until I can't no more, I'm scared.
I've never been scared of anything. But love is the thing I'm scared of the most. I'm scared to be broken, I know how I can get when I'm broken.
I'm scared to have my time wasted. I'm scared to give somebody so much love just for them to be unappreciative.
I'm scared to cause the breaking.
Maybe that's why I kept pushing Nicki away. I pull her forward and push her back. I was giving her a rollercoaster and that's why she did what she did.
I can't keep playing... I can't keep lying.... And I can't keep running.
"Ever since she beat your ass you've been mean." We were sitting in my living room watching the VMAs. I was only watching because I knew Onika was set to perform later on in the awards.
"Can you stop saying she beat my ass?" I rolled my eyes. I told Kelly and Michelle everything that has happened the last couple of days.
Both of them were already aware of my original background. They found out the day I blew up and nearly burnt the building we were standing in.
Both kelly and Michelle grew to be my best friends, my favorite friends. These were my girls forreal and I truly loved them. I don't know what I would've done without them truly.
They've carried me in ways nobody else has.
"That's not what that mark on that arm says." She sipped on her wine. Yes, Onika did heal the tissue in the wound, but that didn't stop the bruise that was on my arm.
"Yeah well you should've seen her." I mumbled.
"What did yall fight for again?" Michelle asked.
"For love." Kelly wiggled her eyebrows.
"Anyways, she was mad I wasn't talking to her and she decided to try and take it out on me. I hope it solved everything for her." I shrugged my shoulders.
