Acceptance

Downfall

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Everything was going well in the life of Mork and pi while dating
It went smoothly
Pi is eating normally again
Mork is always sticking to pi
Well until someone came up and changed it

Morks childhood friend
She's a girl
Pretty
Her name is bam

Pi pov:

I knew she liked Mork and hated me to death

Well she sticked to Mork like glue
When we are studying together in the library
She sits next to Mork and talks about her old school memories with him
It annoys me

In the cafeteria

Bam: oi Mork I know you love this right?

Mork: oh yeah you know me well

They fitted so well together
I felt so left out

So...
Insecure
Does Mork even love me?

There were even fan pages for Mork and bam
Everybody shipped them
Because they fitted so well together

No matter how many times Mork told me he loved me I still was insecure

She's perfect
Better than me in everything
I envy her a lot

Day by day it got worse

I distanced myself from Mork
He tries to approach me but I avoid him
He'll be better without me
Bam definitely knows how to comfort him
And I noticed bam is more happy since I started avoiding him.

Day by day my health got worse
I didn't eat
Severely dehydrated
My mental and physical state were dead broken
It's like living the same hell all over again

I miss Mork
But he's better without me

It was morks birthday
He invited me
I didn't want to go but I had no choice since he will be sad
Everything was going smoothly until my phone blew up

It was a picture of me with my old glasses and braces and the post was making fun of me.
The comments were even more hateful

I got up
Mork followed me

Pi: I'm tired I'm going home sorry Mork
I left without hearing his reply

I've had enough
Why is life always against me?

looking at myself in the mirror
I swallowed my tears
Staring at ceiling with blood pouring out of my hands
My skeleton frame asks only for me to shed its skin
Sometimes I wish I was different
That I didn't bleed out my emotions
That I wasn't scared what people think about me
I wish I was anyone else but myself
Nothing pains me more than living with myself

A week after
I acted as if I have put myself back together again so quickly so easily
I even almost fooled myself
Until I saw a photo of myself
The truth was in my eyes
And the way they made my body look vacant as if there were no signs of life

When you grow up being hurt by people they told you they loved you
You begin to think maybe that's how you're meant to be loved

I mean yeah sometimes I break down and yeah sometimes I sit in the shower
Sometimes I can't hold my head up
Sometimes my hands shake
But sometimes
I see people smiling and living well
I feel happy for them sometimes but other times I'm jealous

"You have many things to be happy about"
Yeah sure
I do
But what you're forgetting is
That I'm ill.

I am sick with a brain that doesn't allow happiness to enter my body

The pictures saved
My face has changed I wanted to feel prettier
Yet there's nothing beautiful about not feeling full
The feeling of being sick concerns people
But it keeps me going
There is nothing
Like not eating
I didn't want to loose my hair
I just wanted to gain a smile no

As a child I never understood how love could hurt
I loved the things that made me happy
I avoided the things that made me cry

Growing up I realized their right
There is nothing more painful than love

Even when it stings me I chase it
I squeeze it in my hands
Until my fingers bleed
Even when I finally let go
I forget about the blood
I only remember the warmth

We love unconditionally
A tragically beautiful thing

What did I ever do to deserve your hatred?

Mork tired numerous ways to apologize
I ignored him
I knew he meant it sincerely but I couldn't see him with me while a perfect girl loves him

It's the day

I reached home

It was the perfect chance

Mom and dad has a night shift so they won't be back till midnight

Duaen is in a trip with his college friends

No one will be home
No one will stop me

I Went to the bedroom
I showered
Wore my best clothes
Then opened my drawers

I opened the bottle of pills and stared at it

I don't think I truly ever wanted to die
When I created those marks on my skin and those possessive thoughts in my mind took control

I swallowed one pill after another
Swallowing my pain with me
It was about 10 pills
I fell on the ground
I knew I wasn't gonna survive after this

My phone buzzed I grabbed it weakly
It was a text from Mork

@morksutthaya : I just want you to know I am always here for you and I love you pi

I stared at his message

I typed to reply

"I love you too Mork. Really...I wouldn't have survived till now without you"

I wanted to hit send
But
My body gave up
Tears poured
I'm sorry Mork
I am gonna die knowing that atleast one actually loved me

I don't believe in god but you're my savior Mork.

I was smiling
Slowly
I closed my eyes
Memories of me an Mork started playing

I was never scared of dying
I actually thought about it quite often
Maybe the weight of my chest would go away
I'm finally gonna rest

Thank you for everything Mork
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

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