Acceptance

Rejection

Pi pov:

School
5 days a week 7 hours a day
And that's not enough is it?
I study to have a "good future"
I don't think I even have a future

I'm confused
Sad
Overwhelmed

I've been staring at the computer screen for 3 hours now my eyes sting but there's no signs of tears yet

I rub and rub my eyes again I have to finish my task or I'll be a disappointment if I don't get a perfect grade

I despise this
My family wants me to be perfect
But I'm so far from that

Some people online threatened me today
I feel so horrible
I hope people someday realize how fucked up of a person they are
And I never deserved the way you treated me

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words will break my confidence
My heart
My soul
My trust
The words will linger in my head until who I am becomes who I was
They say words won't make me bleed
The words won't scrape my knees
But words will make me touch rock bottom
Drowning in my tears and created seas
I was child when I first stared being bullied
The words started out small
Children being children
They said I won't remember it after all
But words are like tattoos permanently engraved in my skin
Because words
Become beliefs once you're forced to start agreeing

I wish
I could cut open my chest
Dig my hand in
Tear out every piece
You've broken in me
Stab you with each piece
Individually
And make you feel all the pain you made me go through
All the pain you've caused me
Since the moment you shattered my soul

I finished my assignment and submitted it
My hands were barely functioning

Tomorrow is Monday
A start of a new hell

I drifted to sleep lost in thoughts I wanted to confess to meungnan soon I know I'll be rejected but I can't hold it longer

At the end of this week me meungnan and Mork will go shipping to help meungnan find furniture for his apartment

I think that's the perfect chance

Untill then I had to tolerate this shitty ass week

I wish I was in a coma, not dead, just gone
In a dream like slumber where life still shone
A peaceful refuge from the world's harsh song where id rest.

Depression is silent
You never hear it coming
And suddenly it's
The loudest voice in your head

That's how my life felt

Somedays
I feel everything
Other days
I feel nothing at all
I don't know what's worse
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst......

This week I was just with Mork most of the time him feeding me and giving me attention
I felt with ease around him
I don't know why
It felt good having him around
My heart beats so much when he's around

Finally it was the end of the week
Me
Mork
And meungnan
Are shopping for furniture
Meungnan said he needs more opinions before buying

It seemed like Mork was enough alone because he knows him so well
I felt useless
Mork always suppresses me

Then they decided to go to a nearby place to rest and it was Morks house in his backyard he had a pool it was nice

I had to build to courage to confess
Mork went to bring drinks
My perfect chance.
I started confessing

Pi: meungnan I think.
I think I like you