Sailing With the Gleam (La Carlota #5)

31

"Please don't forget to bring your umbrellas typoon Turing will enter the PAR tonight."

Tulala kong pinagmasdan ang TV at forecast para sa araw na 'to. I stirred my food absentmindedly. Alas-cinco pa lang ng umaga pero 'di naman ako nakatulog kakahintay sa pagdating ni Uno sa unit.

I was... Still hoping that he'd return to me.

That I'd see him before I leave for work tonight.

But even his shadow was nowhere to be found our unit. I was hoping that he's just mad... Or feeling blue over his mother's illness.

I was finding excuses for him. I was making up damned excuses for other people again. 

I refuse to believe that Uno... Will act like that just because he wants to. Gusto kong malaman lahat pero paano?

I had hope in me. Kaya nagawa kong pumasok, nagawa kong umuwi at mag hintay ulit kay Uno sa loob ng condo namin. Kahit pa pakiramdam kong 'di na siya babalik... I held out hope.

Hindi mabibitawan ni Uno ang anim na taon. I convinced myself.

Kasi ako... 'Di ko siya mabitawan kahit pa pakiramdam ko nauubos na 'ko. 

Sa pangatlong araw ng pagkawala ni Uno sa unit, my mind was slowly convinced that it was over... That that's it for the both of us. Kaya naman, nagsimula na rin akong maghanap ng mga matutuluyan ko.

Uno generously let me live under his roof for the past years of our relationship, rent-free. 'Di ko alam kung paano ko siya pasasalamatan sa lahat ng taong lumipas na sinuportahan niya ako nang buong puso...

Na walang hinihinging kapalit. 

I stared at the wall of my study room for a few minutes. Habang hawak ko ang garbage bag na binili ko kanina, mabait akong lumunok habang pinagmamasdan ang pader kong puno ng manila paper at iba't ibang notes.

Uno...

He was the one who put those up on the wall. He let me study, he helped me reach for the things I never thought I was capable of. Hinayaan niya akong mangarap... 

Tears started to escape my eyes again. 

Time... It really does rob us of the good things. 

Just like how it robbed me this relationship and my life. 

Dahan-dahan, kinuha ko ang mga materials na dinikit namin sa pader. These have witnessed my cries and worries. The love Uno and I have shared, the hope that I had in me back then. 

The walls of this unit have watched those unfold... And it watches it diminish as well. 

Habang nanginginig ang mga kamay, I reached for the picture frame on my study table. The smile Uno and I shared in this photo's... Real. 

The love we had back then was honest and transparent... 'Di ko alam kung... Kailan kami nagsimulang magtago ng mga problema sa isa't isa.

But that's one thing about long-term relationships, you learn to do it good, or you watch each other falter in the long run. And I think we are the latter. Which is disappointing... Because I thought we had it good.

"I-I'm sorry," I whispered as I touch Uno's face. He's wearing my graduation cap, and I was holding an orange bouquet he gave me. Hindi ko pa tanggap... 

Hindi ko na ata matatanggap dahil 'di ko naiintindihan kung bakit kami humantong sa ganito.

But I was sure that this situation didn't boil overnight. This... Has been marinating for the longest time but we were too blind to notice it.