FALSE GOD. ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 Billie eilish

"Mid night runs with the devil"...014

Tw: sh, violence, and nightmares, mentions of scars

March 5th, 2023 📍los angles

Danahs PoV:

I look at his lifeless body as I'm laying in the ground, the same situation always in my nightmares.

Reminding me. Haunting me.
of my deep guilt.

I cry while looking at the lifeless man, this is all my fault.

But then I see John walking up to me and I try to go away or wake myself up but I can't.

I can't move.

I scream myself awake, putting my hands over my head out of habit screaming.

I cry looking at Gucci who looks at me confused but not surprised since this happens every night.

I get up, salty tears still flowing down my face as I go to the bathroom, I look at the time on my phone.

2 am.

For fucks sake.

I strip before going into my shower, breaking down as I try to scrub the feeling away.

The feeling washing over me every single night.

It never stops.

I scrub and I scrub and scrub, till my skin is rough and bleeding.
Red and inflamed.

But no matter how many products I use, no matter how many times I try to scrub myself into purity..

I will never feel clean.

All my life I've felt dirty and disgusting.

I look at the razor one the sink counter...

Danah don't.

You don't need it.

You don't deserve it.

But I do, so I am.

I am gonna take the razor.

I hold it in my hand, taking a deep breath before sliding it over my skin.

The feeling is freeing. Like i can finally breathe.

Which is horrible considering it's killing me .