FALSE GOD. ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 Billie eilish

"She doesnt mean it right?"...001

2008, may 31, 📍maine portland

Danahs PoV:

I was cleaning the floor with a towel and bucket, I was trying to sneakily watch tv but my grandpa always takes up so much stuff
God that gets so annoying.

I have to clean before my grandma comes home, she has a little anger problem like my mommy but I think she's just stressed about my mom being in prison.

She's a nice lady really..she just has her moments I guess.

I was supposed to start going to school this year but I didn't, my grandma told me I should stay home and help around the house.

It's no big deal but my grandpa is always drunk, my biggest fear is him throwing up
Yuck!
And I'd have to clean it up..so that's mostly why I dislike being around him drunk.

I continue to clean scrubbing the floors, my hand all wrinkly from the water, my hands are always dry because I clean everyday.

Our apartment isn't the biggest, or the cleanest but it's better to have something than nothing!
Besides I don't think it's shameful, I think that all houses can be homes with no need of it being big or small or clean or dirty.

If I had friends I'd totally invite them!
But I don't..and my grandma hates visitors
Oh right! My grandma!
I turn my face to the broken clock on the wall, 5:15.

Oh no! She's on the way and I'm not done!
I scrub harder my work starting to get sloppy just to cover more area, oh god she's totally gonna yell at me! I knew I should've never gotten distracted by the tv.

As I try to wipe down other areas of the Floor I hear the door open and close and footsteps approaching the living room.
God I'm done for.

I look up at my grandma guilt written all over my face, staring at her usual stone cold expression, she shakes her head in disbelief
" انا ما قلت لك نظفي؟ ما تسمعين انتي؟ مالك فايده"
(Didn't I tell you to clean? Don't you listen? You're so useless)

She yells as she steps over the floor I have been cleaning for two hours now, she's just in a bad mood she doesn't hate me or anything...she loves me! She probably had a bad day..

"كله من امك الزقه رايحه السجن ومخليتك عندي ، ياكرهي لك ولها بس"
(It's all your shitty mothers fault for going to prison and leaving your ass with me, oh how I hate both of you)
I gulped as she continues to yell at me, tears filling up my eyes, my knees on the floor the towel still in my wrinkly hands.

She twists my ear as I whimper at the pain, not controlling my tears any longer.
I hate getting yelled at.

She yells at me a little longer before dragging me to my room throwing me in, my body hitting the ground as she closes the lights and locks the door.
I have nyctophobia..

I scream as I try to run to the door to stop her but she closes it and locks it firmly and now I'm enveloped in darkness
No no no no no no no.....
I scream as I try to open the door hopelessly
Screaming as my paranoia gets the best of me.
see in my mind, if I scream and kick around me then nothing will hurt me, not the darkness or the silence.

I keep screaming as I now shake my head and ruffle my hair going into the corner closing my eyes.
But my mind just keeps saying open your eyes, it's in front of you! Open your eyes! You gotta open your eyes! But when I open it I look into the darkness and get more scared.

It's a paradox.

I start scratching my arms repeatedly, my nails digging into my skin and scratching down.
It kind of gave me a feeling of very minimal peace..I don't know why.

And that's what keeps happening for the next 4 hours..my grandma does this regularly but I get more scared every time.

Sometimes she leaves me in there for days,
It's just that she's forgetful.
She wouldn't do that on purpose.
Right?

My cheeks were stained by tears, yes I can cry for two hours, it's not great.

I turn my head hopeful that I'm finally getting out of this hell as I see the glimpses of light slowly seeping into the room as the door opens wider, thank god.

I look at my grandmothers face as she looks at me with her cold expression she looks at my tearful eyes and there was almost a glint of sympathy in her eyes? I don't know but it was too quick, but I'm too observant.

"غسلي وجهك وتعالي كولي"
(Wash your face and come eat)
"ابشري يمه"(of course grandma)
I say quickly standing up and practically run to the door and turn the lightswitch that was on the outside of my room, huge disadvantage on my end.

I go over to the small sink and wash my tears away, my salty tears mixing with the water that sinks into the drain, washing all that energy away.

I dry my face and hands before I go over to sit on the crooked dinner table, I liked it.
Not sure if my grandma did.
I turn to see my grandpa passed out with a beer in his hand, the tv playing in the background.
I sigh, it's always like this.

Did he eat? He better have eaten something.
I look at my grandma as she gives me my plate that had white rice and chicken breasts in it.
The same meal everyday.
But I like it so I don't mind it.

We eat in usual silence, I can feel my grandmothers regular stare, studying me.
I hope she thinks I look pretty.

I've been told I look pretty when I cry.

Authors note,
First chapter ahhhhh, you guys will get to see danahs past and present as well but still unwrapping it along the way🙈🙈
And yes I will leave half of the music industry jobless from stealing songs
SUE ME! (Please don't)
-xoxo, Hayley