Heartbound Part Two (Lovestruck Series)

Day 0 | N

#HeartboundWP

a|n ♥ this is my attempt on writing shorter chapters (pls i need to re-learn this T_T). coincides with hb part 1, chapter 112. like all the others, this is the first draft of this story. 

♡

Day 0 | N

NADIA KNOWS SHE shouldn't, but that had never stopped her before, so she lets herself be comfortable in Elias' arms. His arm hugging her over the covers is heavy, but she has already gotten so familiar with the weight to the point of needing it, so she doesn't say anything.

But she still has an ounce of self-control, and she has finally made up her mind on what she wants and doesn't, so she's able to stop herself from turning her head to look closely at his face even if this were the last time she would be able to do it. Alam niyang siya rin ang mahihirapan mamaya. Alam niyang kapag ginawa niya iyon, lalo lang siyang mahihirapang hindi isipin si Elias kapag wala siyang ginagawa.

Besides, she knows that she has already memorized his face a hundred times. She doesn't want to make things worse for herself. Ayaw na niya. Tama na.

That question from Louis last night was her cue to reassess her choices. L is a nice guy who asked her out on a date, and his dinner invitation was a brick flying out of nowhere that hit her hard on the head. She couldn't bring herself to say yes, not because she was worried rejecting him wouldn't be such a nice thing to do, but because she simply did not want to. Ayaw niya, kaya humindi siya.

Rejecting L is the unbalanced force that pulled her out of her current natural tendency, which is to settle with Elias in this unnamed relationship na siya na ang nag-initiate the second time around. Sure, sometimes it's confusing and it drives her frustrated, but it also makes her so happy that she refuses to let go of it.

He makes her happy. She refuses to let go of him.

Despite this not being exactly the thing that she wants, she has already learned to tuck behind the secluded part of her head the fact she wants more than this. She minimizes this into a question of whether she's happy or not, and she is, so may kailangan pa bang baguhin?

But rejecting L pushed her to confront what she truly wants and doesn't. While waiting for Elias to pick her up, she realizes a few things: that she likes Elias and cannot do anything about it for now, that she doesn't want to be in a relationship as of the moment, that Elias also doesn't want to commit to a relationship, and that she's happy . . .

But also that there's a chance that she can be happier elsewhere.

Elias could also be happier elsewhere. She knows he doesn't do real dates, let alone committed relationships. It doesn't make sense na he's staying in this . . . half-relationship, half-not. Why do something you don't want? Kahit pa sabihing he's only doing things halfway, it's still doing things he does not want to do. Why not just not do it completely?

This—whatever they're doing—is pointless. Nadia knows that she doesn't want to date, so what the hell is she doing being in this situation that falls in between being in a relationship and not? She doesn't even need this.

She has already made up her mind and has determined her place in the scale. She has no business staying in the middle. It's either she goes away, or she tries to get the courage and ask him to try despite knowing how unfavorably he would respond.

But, actually, the latter is no longer an option. She does not want to be in a relationship—whether it's with Elias or someone else. It's not about him potentially rejecting her and breaking her heart again—it's about her just not wanting it anymore.