Confetti It's A PARADE! Of Supernatural Imagines.

Buried Deep Inside

Sam Winchester x Reader

Synopsis: the reader has so many thoughts and feelings buried Deep inside, and feels like no one cares enough to realize it.
*Contains signs of depression

Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to keep all the feelings away. Reading, or watching a movie keeps them at bay, but once the lights go off, and the quiet settles in, they come flooding back. Questions and thoughts fly through your brain, making sleep impossible for another night. Like a freight train they move through your brain, I'm not good enough, why do I mess everything up, why does no one like me, or care enough to know I'm crying on the inside. Thinking it would be great to have someone to talk to, to have someone finally ask, are you okay. To notice that you haven't been okay in a long time.

You thought your friends knew you well enough to know that you weren't the same person they had saved all those years ago. Instead, you draw in on yourself, spending more time alone, than with them, quiet when you do go on hunting trips with them, withdrawn and distant. However, you know they have just as much to deal with, and you don't want to become anymore of a burden to them than you already are. You know they didn't have to take you in and teach you how to hunt, but you are grateful they did. But have you out stayed your welcome, and they are too nice to say anything?

Wishing they would look at you, just once, and realize how hard you were trying to hold everything together, you know even if that happened, you would probably brush it off. You have everything buried so deep inside you, you wonder if the real you will ever survive, or the shell will be all that's left. It's so much easier to say your fine, than to describe all the emotions and thoughts running through your mind. But just once, to anybody, you would like to let the guard down, to cry on someone's shoulder, to have someone there for you, that cares for you. It's so hard being "fine".

Realizing you were now sobbing in bed, as these thoughts plagued you, you try to relax. Not wanting anyone to hear you, and realize that you aren't the calm collected girl you pretend to be, you try to take deep breaths to calm down. Yelling at your self for once again being weak, you cry harder, shoving your face into your pillow.
Unable to hear anything over your crying, you didn't notice your door being opened. Instead you jump when a hand is placed on your shoulder.

"Y/ N, it's just me Sam. What's wrong?"

What should you do? Here's someone, finally wondering about you, wondering if you were okay. Can you finally break open your shell, tell them how you really feel or will I'm fine come out of your mouth once again.

Taking a deep breath, you turn to face Sam, who has become like a brother to you. His hazel eyes were on your face, searching for a hint of what might be wrong. Concern lined his face, and his hand was still cupped around your shoulder, giving you extra support.

"I'm fine," came out of your lips, even though you had intended to tell him everything. Feeling tears well up once again in your eye's, you shout at yourself, in your head, for being stupid. Your one chance, and you blew it.

"Come on Y/ N, I'm Sam, I know you better than anyone. I know your not fine. Please talk to me."

"Your right Sam, I'm not." Never had five words been so hard to say, but once they were whispered past your lips, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders. Just saying those words to someone who cared about you, and knowing he would listen and help you, made the night a little easier to face.

**I know nothing about depression, so I'm sorry if this sucks. I was just having a really bad night and thought writing this would help.**